


Father To Son

by killerqueensandkings



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/M, Mild Language, Mild Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Multiple, Some Humor, all the boys are, joe is precious, please dont hate on john, some inaccuracies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2019-11-19 10:06:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18134348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerqueensandkings/pseuds/killerqueensandkings
Summary: She had almost dropped her mug when Joe told her what Rami had said, and was now trying to not have a panic attack in the middle of her living room.'Is this it then?' she thought. 'Is this how he finds out?'~Or, Joe finds out that John is his biological father.





	1. Present Day ~ August 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever work, so please be kind :)  
> i've wanted to write this forever but never really had the time or the self-esteem  
> kudos and comments are appreciated x

It was a hot and humid August morning, and Virginia Mazzello was sipping her tea on her balcony while enjoying the view, a tired yawn escaping her lips every now and then. It had been a restless night for her, anxiety and guilt not letting her sleep much. She was anxious, because this was the day Joe would learn whether he got the part of John Deacon in the movie Bohemian Rhapsody. And she felt guilty, because she had kept a secret from her beloved son for the past 35 years, a secret that was dangerously close to being discovered now.

Virginia knew she would have to tell Joe the truth soon when he first announced to her that he would pursue this particular role, a couple of weeks ago. She looked back to that day, wondering why exactly she didn't do it right there. Maybe she was trying to protect Joe, or maybe she was actually trying to protect herself and their relationship, knowing very well how they would be affected by the truth.

She was so deep in thought, making a hundred different scenarios on how she could break the news to Joe, that she nearly didn't hear the phone ringing in the living room. She rushed to it, almost falling in the process.

“Hello?”

Joe grinned as soon as he heard the familiar voice on the phone.

“Mom? Mom! I got it! I got the role!” he exclaimed loudly, his voice full of emotion.

“Oh honey that is wonderful! I truly am so proud of you sweetheart”, she said, trying to make herself sound as cheerful as she could.

“Thank you mom!”, he replied. “I am so excited! Principal photography begins in September, can you believe?” he continued.

“Yes of course hon-”, she managed to say before Joe cut her off.

“I have already met most of my co-stars, they are all incredibly talented people. I already knew that Rami Malek would be Freddie Mercury but it still is so exciting! You do remember Rami, dont you?”

Virginia cackled at her son's excitement. “Of course I do. What a lively young man he is. I'm sure this movie will be an enormous success. Who knows, maybe it will even win an oscar”, she teased him.

Joe laughed and rolled his eyes playfully. “Mom, we havent even began filming and youre talking about awards?” He heard his mother laugh on the other side of the phone and then added “I love your optimism, it is exactly what I need right now. And I love you, mom. Thank you for supporting me for all those years, it really means a lot to me.”

Virginia's eyes were damp with hot tears that threatened to run down her face at any moment. She was glad Joe couldnt see her right now. It would only take one look from his big brown eyes for her to come clean and possibly ruin everything.

“You're welcome sweetheart”, she replied quietly, in fear of her voice betraying her. “I will always support whatever it is that you choose to do. And I love you so much”.

Joe sniffed his nose, trying to get rid of the tears that were forming in his eyes as well. “Alright, I have to go. Gotta make some more calls to my agent and do some more research for the role.” With that, he paused, remembering something else he wanted to tell her.

“Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. Rami was here the other day, and he said the funniest thing.”

Virginia wondered what that could be as she was picking up her empty mug from the table, waiting for Joe to tell her.

“As we were doing a bit of research on Queen, we stumbled upon a picture of John Deacon, and, get this, Rami said that we actually look quite similar. So, I did the exact pose he was doing for Rami to snap a picture, and when we put them next to each other he was sure we were almost identical. Of course I told him he was out of his mind, I did not see any resemblance whatsoever. Isn't it crazy though? That he thought I look anything like THE John Deacon?”

He kept rambling about Rami's absurd thoughts, but Virginia had long stopped listening. She had almost dropped her mug when Joe told her what Rami had said, and was now trying to not have a panic attack in the middle of her living room.

 _Is this it then_? she thought. _Is this how he finds out?_

Something was not right though. If Joe had found out the truth, he sounded far too unbothered by it. This surely meant there was a chance he still didn't know. Virginia tried to pull herself together, and listened to her son as he was finishing up his story.

“...and then he left. He sure has a wild imagination, doesn't he?”, was all she heard.

“Y-yes he does”, she managed to say. Her mind was now getting flooded with memories she had thoroughly tried to suppress over the past 35 years. She tried to pull herself together, not wanting her son to suspect something was wrong, and chose her next words carefully. “You really didn't think there is any resemblance?”

“Yes, that is what I told him”, replied Joe, not noticing Virginia's change of tone. “Mom I'm sorry, I really have to go now. I promise I will call you again soon. I love you and I miss you a lot.”

“I miss you too, sweetie. And I love you so much, never forget that”. She was once again on the verge of tears.

“Bye mom”

“Goodbye sweetheart”.

As soon as they hang up, she let herself collapse on the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!  
> so, a couple of things about this. it will mostly be in the form of Present day-Flashback-Present Day, unless i run out of things to write. then it will be all in one chapter, but still sort of divided.  
> there will be updates every few days, and i will try to make sure i have at least 2 chapters ready before i post a new one, so it wont get messy or weird.  
> i would love to hear your suggestions about this, and of course comments and kudos are more than welcome.  
> thank you for reading this, hope you enjoy what is to come xx


	2. Flashback ~ January 1983

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night full of surprises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the second chapter, it is slightly longer but im really happy with it and i loved writing it!

John slammed the door behind him, jacket in his hand and hot tears in his eyes. He rested his body against the door, and shut his eyes in an attempt to calm down. Right now he felt terribly miserable. He hated fighting with Veronica.

 _We just need some time to calm down. Then we can deal with this_ , he thought, putting on his jacket and wiping his damp eyes with the back of his hand.

He made his way towards the pub down the street, a place him and Veronica visited as frequently as having two children allowed them. He greeted Dan, the owner of the place, who only gave him a quick wave, as he was quite busy. Not really minding waiting to order, he found an empty stool and used this time to look back at this week's events, trying to figure out the moment everything started going to shit.

After some thought, he was fairly positive he could pinpoint that exact moment. All of this had began a couple of days ago, when John announced to Veronica that they were already thinking about making another album, a mere three months after their last tour.

Now, Veronica was a smart woman, she knew what that meant. It meant another recording process, another tour, which would result in more time apart from eachother. She was incredibly happy for Queen's success, but it was no use denying the fact that they were getting more distant with every tour. It was torture for the both of them, and the kids too, but she knew complaining would only make things worse.

Today, things had gottern out of hand really quickly. She wasn't planning on telling him how she didn't particularly like the idea of another album, it just kind of happened. And in the blink of an eye, they were screaming at eachother at the top of their lungs.

A loud voice calling his name brought him back to reality. It was Dan, concern clouding his face.

“You alright there mate?”

“Yeah, just tired”

If Dan didn't believe him, he didn't show it. “Can I get you anything to drink?”  
John was not a big fan of alcohol, this was usually Fred and Rog's speciality. But now, he could really use some.

“Yes, a beer please”, he replied. Dan left to prepare his drink, and John was once again lost in his own thoughts. He was so lost, that he didn't notice a tall brown-haired woman sitting on the previously occupied stool next to him. She looked quite sad herself, and she didn't pay much attention to John either. That was until Dan came to bring John his beer, which made her involuntarily look at his direction, immediately realising who he was.

“Oh my god!”, she exclaimed, the american accent quite noticable in her words, “you're John Deacon, aren't you?”

John turned his head to look at her, quite surprised by her reaction. Queen had been around for almost fifteen years now, of course people recognised them everywhere. Despite that, he was still caught by surprise everytime someone came up to him for an autograph, the reason being Freddie getting the most recognition out of the four band members. He wouldn't admit that to his bandmates but he was secretly glad he wasn't getting as many fans as them. He was an accidental rock star after all.

John did not have a lot of time to register the woman's question, as she started talking again.

“Don't bother answering, I already know it is you”, she said, a smile forming in her lips that made her previously sad expression dissapear. “I am a huge fan of Queen, you guys are amazing. I have all your records, even your last one”.

That comment made John visibly frown. It was no secret that their last album, Hot Space, had not been a great success, and John was feeling considerably guilty about it, since it was partly his idea to steer the band in this new direction. No matter how many times the guys had tried to convince him it was actually not as big of a deal as he was making it to be, he just couldn't shake that feeling of guilt. This was part of the reason he was so keen about making another album, he wanted to use the creative process to move on.

His frown did not go unnoticed by the woman, who quickly tried to explain herself.

“No, no don't take this the wrong way. I liked the album, it is one of my favourites.” John raised an eyebrow, having a hard time believing her words.

“I'm serious, it was really good. Don't let the critics get to you, they don't know shit. You are a great band, don't let anybody tell you otherwise”.

John looked down on his half finished drink, his lips forming a slightly forced smile. “Thank you”, he said, looking at her big brown eyes, “that means a lot. More that you think”.

The woman flashed him a warm smile and extended her hand. “My name is Virginia, mind if I join you?”

John shook her hand, not bothering with his name since she obviously already knew it. “Not at all. Nice to meet you Virginia”, he said, and finished his drink in one big gulp. “Can I buy you a drink?”, he asked her while signaling Dan on the other end of the bar stool.

“Sure, I'll have a beer”

John quickly ordered their drinks, and found himself wanting to know more about this woman who spoke so fondly of their latest mishap.

“So, I'm guessing you're not from around?” Virginia threw him a questioning look.

“Your accent”, he continued. “It's american, isn't it?”

Virginia nodded, taking a sip from her drink. “You're right, I'm actually from New York”

“Really? I've been there a couple of times. Lovely place, bit too busy for my liking, but still quite nice”.

Virginia giggled. “It is, for the most part”

“What brings you here?”, he asked before he could contain himself, alcohol slightly affecting him more and more with every sip.

Now it was Virginia's turn to frown. She had hoped to avoid talking or even thinking about the reason of her visit to London tonight, or for the rest of her time here. She quickly looked away from John and focused on her drink, not wanting him to see the tears that were forming in her eyes.

Despite her efforts John noticed her smile dissapear, and quickly backtracked. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to”.

She took a big gulp out of her drink and turned to face him, hoping her composure would not mirror the bubbling emotions inside her.

“Don't be sorry, it's nothing. I'm actually here visiting friends and family”, she replied. _Nailed it_ , she thought, and wished that John wouldn't ask any further questions about it. What she had told John was not the truth, but it wasn't a lie either. She was indeed visiting friends and family, but it was also a much needed change of scenery for her. She felt like she could trust John, despite meeting him not even half an hour ago, but she really didn't want to burden him with her trainwreck of a love life. Breakups are rarely easy, and Virginia's was no exception. She loved Joseph, but things had been looking rough for a couple of months now. It was mutual, which meant it should hurt less, but somehow it hurt even more.

It was as if John had read her mind. “Do you want to dance?”, he asked her while he took a final sip from his drink and stood up.

Virginia was cought by surprise. Normally, she loved dancing so much she wouldn't step off the dancefloor even if the bar caught on fire. Not today, though. All she wanted was to get drunk and get her shit together.

“I would love to John, but I'm afraid I don't have the energy”

“Oh, come on”, he groaned, grabbing her hand and dragging her towards the dance floor, “you look like you need it”

Virginia couldn't argue with that, it was true after all. She reluctantly followed John to the middle of the bar, firmly entangling her fingers with his.

They started swaying to the beat of the song that was playing, John's tight perm bouncing with every move he made. This made Virginia laugh, and she immediately felt her shoulders relax. This might have actually been a good idea.

They continued dancing and talking about all sorts of things, until the song ended and the next one, an even funkier song started playing. A couple of songs and a considerable number of drinks later, John was having the time of his life, his mind now completely foggy from the excessive amount of alcohol he had consumed. Virginia was equally drunk, if not more. When she started complaining about her aching feet to John, he finally agreed to sit down, ordering yet another beer. They were both flushed and sweaty and completely out of breath.

Virginia quickly glanced at her watch, and sighed when she saw the time. She turned to look at John, who was now bouncing on his stool to the beat of the song. She smiled, and nudged his arm.

“John I should be going, it's pretty late”, she said with a noticeable slur, picking up her bag and her coat.

It took John a moment to register what she was saying, but eventually his brain caught up. He pouted, clearly not wanting to let go of her company so soon.

“'ere is your 'tel?”, he said, his voice slightly louder than it needed to be.

“Sorry?”, she said, giggling at his voice.

“I said where is your 'otel”

“Oh, my hotel?”, Virginia laughed pretty loudly this time. “It's just a few blocks away”

John smiled at that, getting up from his stool and grabbing his own coat. “Per'ect. I'll walk you there, make sure you don't ge' lost”

“John, you don't have to”, she began saying, but John was already making his way towards the door of the pub. She followed him quickly, afraid he was gonna wander off and get hurt. They were both pissed, but she knew two people drunkenly walking is better than one.

The cold air that was blowing outside of the pub slightly sobered her up, and she pulled her coat tighter around her to get some heat. Next to her, John was freezing as well.

“How about we start walking? It'll warm us up”, suggested Virginia, and linked her left arm through John's right one. She waited a few seconds, to see whether she was crossing a line, but he just pulled her closer to his body and started walking.

“So, tell me about Queen”

“What do you want to know?”

“Tell me about the other guys. Is Freddie as extravagant in real life as he is when he performs? Is Brian as tall as he looks? And most importantly, is Roger really this hot in person?”

John giggled. “No, Freddie is much more reserved when he isn't on stage. Yes, Brian really is that tall, it's a nightmare. And yes, Roger is quite impressive in person. At least that's what his groupies say”

That last comment made Virginia burst out laughing, and soon John started laughing as well. They laughed for quite some time, a new wave of giggles coming whenever they would calm down.

“This is my hotel”, said Virginia when they had finally stopped laughing, pointing at a grey building across the street.

A small frown formed on John's lips, and he pulled her closer to him. When they reached the front door, he finally let go of her.

“I had a lovely time John. I can't thank you enough for this”

John nodded. “Me too. It has been a rough couple of days, and you made me forget all about it. So, thank yo-”

He didn't manage to finish, his feet getting caught in the slightly elevated pavement in front of him, making him lose his balance. Virginia managed to grab his arm just in time, their faces now only a few inches apart from eachother's. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but John quickly closed the distance between them by pressing his lips against hers.

She was reluctant at first, but soon melted into the kiss, wrapping her arms around John's neck while his hands rested on her hips. It was a messy and sloppy kiss, but it felt good. John licked her lips, silently asking for permission before slipping his tongue in her mouth, exploring every corner of it. After a couple of minutes they finally pulled apart to breath, and rested their forheads against eachother.

“Would you like to come upstairs?”, Virginia boldly suggested in a whisper that set shivers down John's spine.

“I would love that”, came his reply, and before he could finish he felt Virginia's hands leaving his neck and taking his hand, guiding him to her room.

When they finally reached it, Virginia fished her doorkey from her back pocket, opened the door and waited for John to get inside as well before closing it and pinning him against it, kissing him once again. She run her long fingers through his hair and slightly pulled on it, making John moan into their kiss. She could feel his hardness through his pants, and slowly grinded her hips against his, making John moan even louder.

“Fuck”, he whispered, and run his hands up and down her back, before resting them on her butt.

Virginia threw her head back to catch her breath, and John took the opportunity to kiss every inch of her uncovered neck. This action drove her crazy, and she started undoing the upper buttons of her silk shirt, giving him more space to work.

He took the opportunity and began kissing and marking her collarbones, eliciting tiny moans from her almost everytime.

When he was satisfied with his work, he undid the rest of the buttons and guided Virginia towards the bed in the middle of the room. He threw away her shirt and went on to unbutton his own, when she stopped him by taking his hand in hers.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”, she asked.

John looked at her, desire burning inside him.

“Yes. Are you?”

“Yes”

“Good”

It was all she needed to hear. She took off his shirt while John was trying to remove his shoes and trousers, kissing in between.

They were both in their underwear now, and Virginia started playing with the elastic of John's boxers, teasing him ever so slightly.

John quickly removed his underwear as Virginia unclasped her bra and they both threw them to the side. She took his hard cock in her hands and gave it a few good pumps, making John moan louder and louder every time she ran her finger across the tip. She then bent down and licked a strip from the bottom to the tip of it, resulting in John grabbing her shoulder to steady himself, before she took his length into her mouth. Bobbing her head up and down, she started sucking him off. John was a moaning mess within minutes, and had to pull himself away when he felt warmth pooling at the bottom of his belly.

“Why did you stop?”, she asked, wiping the saliva from the corners of her mouth.

“Didn't want to come like this”, he simply said and threw her softly onto the bed.  
He took off her underwear and started grazing his fingers on the soft skin of her thighs. It was now Virginia's turn to start moaning.

“John..”, she began saying, her voice barely audible.

“Yes love?”, came his reply in a low, husky voice.

“Need...you..”, said Virginia breathlessly

John did not need any more pleading. He slowly entered one digit into Virginia's soaking wet entrance, his other hand softly touching her thighs.

Virginia was a blubbering mess, moaning John's name every time he hit a particularly sensitive spot. When John entered another finger, and then another, she couldn't take it any more.

“John, please”, she moaned, and John removed his fingers, leaving her feeling empty.  
That feeling went away pretty soon, as John was now pushing the tip of his aching cock slowly into Virginia, making sure she wasn't in pain or uncomfortable.  
When he bottomed out, he pushed almost entirely out before pounding her. This made them both cry out in pleasure, as Virginia grabbed the sheets for support.

He pushed a few more times inside her, hitting her sweet spot with every thrust. With this pace, it didn't take long before they were both close to their climax.

“John, I'm close”, warned Virginia, resting her forehead on his shoulder.

“I'm-I'm close, too”, was all John managed to say before he felt Virginia tighten around him as her orgasm overtook her. That was all it took for him to come as well, crying her name as the aftershocks flooded his body.

When they both came down from their climax, he slowly pushed out of her and collapsed next to her. He soon got up and fetched a wet towel from the bathroom, wiping them both and throwing it away. Then, he laid down next to her, taking her into his arms and pressed a kiss to her temple.

The exhaustion and drinking finally caught up with them, making them falling asleep immediately, pressed against eachother's naked bodies, blissfully unaware of the repercussions of their actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed it, kudos and comments are welcome as always x


	3. Present Day ~ August 2017

“Shit!”

John was exasperated. Why on earth did his son Luke think that he, a 66-year-old man, needed a phone upgrade. Actually, it wasn't the upgrade that was making him angry, it was the fact that his son had chosen a pretty expensive and extremely fragile model, that clearly required a degree of some sort to be operated properly.

Right now Luke was in the kitchen with his mother, making tea for the three of them. Upon hearing his father's frustration, he giggled quietly.

Veronica sighed. “Luke dear, go help your father”

“Sure”, he said and got up, still grinning, clearly enjoying this. He approached his father, who had managed to turn on the phone by himself.

“Luke, what do I do now?”, he pleaded while staring at the phone, which was now greeting him.

Luke took the phone from John's hands and swiped to unlock it. “There, now all you have to do is transfer all the data from your previous device to this one”

One glance at John's face was enough for Luke to figure out there was no way he would accomplish this alone. He sighed, and asked for his old device so he could do it himself.

John handed it to him and sat on the couch. “It was very thoughtful of you to get me a new phone, but I don't think I will be using it a lot”

Luke grinned. “It's okay, dad. I think you'll do just fine”. With that, he handed the new device to John. “Done. All your photos, songs and contacts are here. Now let me see you open it and use it. If you have any questions on how it works, just ask me”.  
John knew how to do this one. He swiped his finger through the screen and opened the phone. He opened the menu and a couple of apps, looking at Luke every now and then to make sure he was doing this the right way.

“See? You've got this, pops”

“Yeah, I suppose I do”, said John smuggly, who randomly opened the browser and started reading the news headlines, until a very familiar word caught his eye.

“Luke, can you give me my glasses, please?”

“Sure”. Luke got up and fetched his father's glasses for him, and sat down next to him, curious to see what had caught his attention.

John's heartbeat had slightly accelerated, but he didn't know why. It was his personal choice to quit the band all those years ago, but if he was being honest he did not intend to cut ties with his former bandmates. After he left the band in 1997, their communication was limited to legal arrangements over finances and nothing more. But he would be lying if he said he didn't miss them terribly. He took the glasses from his son, and as he put them on he realised his heart was beating faster simply because he was afraid something had happened to either Brian or Roger, hence the article. He mentally scolded himself, there were obviously other reasons for an atricle to be written. But he couldn't help it, he always was a pessimist after all.

**“Queen biopic on the works, with actor Rami Malek to play the role of Freddie Mercury”**

John paused before scrolling down. _A biopic_?

He slowly scrolled down, reading the article as Luke read it with him. They both looked equally confused.

When the article ended, Luke turned to face his father. “Did you know about this?”

John didn't look at him, his eyes were glued to the screen. “No, I didn't. But Brian and Roger do, apparently”. He wasn't mad, just confused and a bit dissapointed. He got up, phone still in his hands. He had to make a phone call, one he should have made some time ago. He pressed the contacts app, and scrolled down to find Roger's phone number. Once he found it he stopped, hesitation clear in his eyes. Nevertheless, he pressed the number and brought the phone to his ear.

 

 

 

~

 

 

 

“Ouch. Rog, that's my leg you're stepping on”

“Sorry Bri. Where's the bloody light switch?” Roger searched the wall on his left with his hands, until he finally found it and turned it on. He let out a sigh as soon as he saw the condition of his basement. He definitely did not remember it to be that messy.

Brian let out a sigh as well. He was the one who had suggested they gathered their old clothes in one place a couple of years ago, to preserve them and cherish the memories they evoked, and since Roger's house had an empty basement they had agreed to put them all there. He realised now that this was both a genious and an incredibly stupid idea, because none of them actualy thought to maybe fold them neatly, or clean up the room every once in a while. Now, the basement was a dusty mess, with piles of clothes thrown around, boxes full of accessories in every corner and a thick layer of dust covering every inch of the room. This would be a long day.

“Remind me again why we agreed to this?”, asked Roger as he took a few steps forward, pushing a few boxes with his shoe.

“Because of the movie, Rog. We already have the original outfits, so why should they bother making new ones?”. He joined Roger in the middle of the room and quickly scanned the space around him, searching for a place to start. He decided to go for the pile of clothes that looked the smallest, and grabbed the first thing that was on top. Before he could examine it, he heard Roger curse under his breath. He turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow.

“I forgot my phone upstairs. The list of the clothes we're searching for is there”, he sighed, not wanting to go up all those steps.

Brian shook his head. “Okay well go get it, we can't start without it”.

Roger scoffed, but complied, and made his way to the ground floor of his house while trying to remember where he last saw his phone.

Back in the basement, Brian was feeling all kinds of feelings. It was a mix of nostalgia, sadness, happiness and pride for all the things the clothes in front of him represented. He could remember the exact event each and every item had been worn, and it was overwhelming. He knew that if he started crying, Roger would too, and that would result in no actual work being done, so he sniffed his nose and looked up to make the tears that were starting to form in his eyes go away.

While waiting for Roger to fetch his phone, he looked back to the past month. If someone had told him back in the 70s that a movie would be made about Queen, he would have laughed and compliment that person for their imagination. It was actually happening, though, and just the thought of it made him giddy and slightly nervous. It was something that required a lot of work and concentration, but he was confident. And even if it doesn't come out perfect, who cares? They were going to have so much fun and they would definitely make memories they will always remember. He would not tell Roger this, but he secretly wished that Freddie and John were there with them to share this amazing experience.

This thought made him slightly uneasy, as they had yet to break the news to John, who had retired from the spotlight a good twenty years now, and had not spoken to them in almost two years. He would be lying if he said this did not bother him, and he knew it bothered Roger too, even if he did not show it, but he respected John's choice to distance himself, knowing all too well the reasons. All he knows right now is that John needs to know about the movie, it has to be done soon and they have to be the ones to tell him. _Who knows_ , he thought, _maybe he'll want to participate in this_.

Before he could finish his thoughts, he heard footsteps and a victorious “Aha!” from Roger, who was going down the stairs, his phone in his hand and a smirk on his face. “Got it, let's get to work”. As he went to unlock his phone, his smirk dropped.

“I can't believe this”, he exclaimed, voice full of frustration. Brian turned around and quickly made out what the problem was, when he saw Roger holding his phone at arm's length. He tried very hard not to laugh, realising Roger did not have his glasses, and suggested that he take the phone to read the list, something that Roger was more than eager to agree on.

Brian unlocked the phone and quickly scanned the list, while approaching the pile near him. “Alright, looks like the list is not very big. If we concentrate, we might just be able to finish today”. With that, he grabbed the piece he was holding before, a patterned blue shirt that clearly belonged to Roger. A small smile crept up to his lips, as his mind was once again flooded with memories. He turned towards Roger, who was going through the pile next to his, waving the shirt around. “Remember this?”

Roger's face lit up upon seeing the shirt. “Of course I do, it was one of my favourites. Wore it while we were filming One Vision, didn't I?”, he said, taking it from Brian's hand and holding it up.

“Indeed, you were really fond of it. Did you find anything else?”, reqested Brian as he took a handful of clothes that weren't needed and put them on a free chair.

“Actually, I did. I can't believe I kept this”. Brian glanced at Roger who was now holding a short skirt in his hands, his face full of amusement. A hearty laugh escaped Brian's lips as he approached Roger. “It certainly made an impression, didn't it? It was genious, by the way, your idea to dress up in drag. I might've hated my costume, but it was worth it”

“Yeah, I remember your bunny slippers and the silky dress. Sorry about that”. Brian knew he was not remotely sorry, but it didn't really matter, given they'd had so much fun while filming the music video for I Want To Break Free.

Roger continued searching for the clothes on the list, when he let out a high-pitched noise. “Found the leather jacket- no wait, this isn't mine”. Brian looked at it, and nodded – the jacket was far too plain to belong to Roger. It was not his, that was for sure, he wasn't really the leather jacket type, and all of Freddie's clothes were either at his sister's house, or at exibitions on display. That meant there was only one other person this jacket could belong to.

“It's John's”

Roger turned. “How do you know?”

Brian shared his train of thought and Roger hummed in agreement. “D'you think we should give it to him?”

“Not really”, he replied and looked down. “He obviously isn't looking for it, so it's better that we don't bother him”

“But we should”

There was bitterness in Roger's voice, and Brian's suspicions about his opinion on this situation were confirmed. “Look, Rog, I don't like this either, but John has always been a very private person. If it were me, I wouldn't want to be bothered”.

Roger was now getting irritated. “We're his friends, he should not feel 'bothered' by us, nor should he avoid us for two whole years”, he said, his voice getting more high-pitched with each remark.

Brian walked towards him. “Rog, please calm down. If it makes you feel any better, we should make contact with him soon, inform him about the movie and all. He needs to learn it from us, not the press, don't you think?”

He saw Roger looking significantly calmer, and felt himself relax a bit as well. “I suppose you're right”, he heard him say. “If he agrees to talk to us, that is.

Brian sighed, “You never know”. With that, they both went back to their work, slowly working their way through the list of clothes. After an hour, they had managed to retrieve at least three quarters of the items, and were currently taking a much needed break. Brian was still holding Roger's phone in his hands, when he felt it vibrate. Without looking at the caller's id, he held it out to him. Roger was drumming his fingers on the back of the chair in front of him, humming a new melody that had been in his head for a couple of days now, and didn't notice Brian.

“Roger, your phone is ringing”

Roger shot him a glance and stopped drumming, but didn't move to take it. “I've been answering calls all damn day, and it's not even noon. Let it bloody ring”.

Brian retrieved his hand, and his eye's fell on the caller's name. “You might want to pick this one up”, said Brian while getting up, his hands slightly shaking.

“And why is that?”, required Roger, his voice sounding concerned as he noticed Brian's demeanor.

“Because it's John calling”

Roger stood up so quickly that he nearly fell when he heard Brian. “What?”

Brian was holding the phone like it would explode in his hands any minute now. He passed it to Roger, who took it with equally trembling hands. He looked at the taller man, not really knowing what to do.

“Should I answer it?”

Brian faltered. “I'm not sure”

“I'm doing it”

“No, wait”. Roger looked up at Brian, who looked distressed. “Should we?”

Roger looked indignant. “Yes! He is the one calling us, so no 'bothering' from our side, right?”

With that, he slid his finge across the screen and brought the phone to his ear. “Hello? Deaky?”. Next to him, Brian almost fell on top of him in an attempt to listen to the call.

A small cough was heard from the other end of the phone, and then Brian and Roger heard a familiar voice. “Hello Roger”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, and i really hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> as always, thank you for reading x


	4. Flashback ~ January 1983

It was almost noon when John woke up. Blinding sunlight was penetrating the curtains of the balcony door on his left, and was flooding the room. Feeling his eyes watering from the light, he brought his hand up to cover his face. A sharp pain in his head made him groan, and a wave of nausea came over him, but he ignored it. When the feeling went away a few seconds later, he quickly glanced around the room. His first reaction was panic, as he didn't recognise his surroundings. After taking a moment to think about what he was doing the night before, and how he had gotten there, he tried to get up, but a weight on his chest made him stop. He looked down and saw that the weight was a slim hand with long fingers, which was resting on top of him. Following it with his eyes, he saw whom it belonged to.

And then all of last night's events came back to him – the fight, the drinking, and Virginia, all at once. Feeling overwhelmed, John lifted his torso from the mattress and propped himself on his elbows to better examine Virginia. She was laying on her front, her hair was a mess on her pillow, her body was half-covered by the blankets, and she was maked, much like John. _This is bad_ , thought John and slowly removed Virginia's hand from his body, trying very hard not to wake her up. _This is very bad. What am I going to do?_

Despite his painful headache, he quickly spotted his clothes on the floor next to the bed as he got up, and put them on in slow motions, careful not to make any noise. Finishing up with his buttons, he approached the bathroom and turned on the tap, splashing some cold water on his face. It didn't do much – he still felt miserable and surprisingly empty inside. After he dried his face, he took a minute to collect himself, but he broke into tears instead. Quiet sobs escaped his throat, and he covered his mouth with his hand to muffle them. He allowed himself to cry in that bathroom for a few minutes, despite knowing he had to get out of there. A dull ache in his chest forced him to take a few steps backwards and sit on the edge of the bathtub. With trembling hands he hugged his torso to calm down, but a violent sob that rocked his body escaped his throat, and a fresh wave of tears flooded his eyes.

A few minutes passed before he decided not to push his luck further, knowing that Virginia could wake up any minute now, and he went back into the room and grabbed his jacket. He opened the door and went outside, but not before throwing Virginia one last glance. With a deep sigh he averted his gaze from her body and shut the door behind him. The hotel walls were starting to suffocate him, and when he stepped outside and took a deep breath of fresh air that ridded his head from the sleepyness and the headache, he finally felt able to get himself out of this mess.

His watch told him it was noon. It was Saturday, which meant Veronica and the kids would be at home. He walked down the road and entered a small park whose trees were barren due to the cold weather. It was occupied by only a handful of people, and it looked peaceful, just what John needed in order to _think._ He sat on a bench near the entrance of the park, and propped his elbows on his lap.

His brain absolutely refused to cooperate, and the only thing that was going through his mind was 'I cheated on Veronica'. He looked up and tried to focus, reminding himself the importance of the situation. His first proper thought was that nobody would ever find out about this, not his wife, not his bandmates, no one. It would be a well-kept secret between him and Virginia. Another thing he could be sure of was that he would not try to contact Virginia, ever. Among the few things she had told him about herself, he remembered, was that she would leave for New York soon, meaning it would be highly unlikely for them to meet again.

Then there was Veronica. His sweet, loving, understanding wife, with whom he had spent most of his adult life and had three wonderful children. He would never forgive himself for doing this to her, and he would do whatever it took to express how sorry he was. He thought about getting her a nice bouquet of roses on his way home, but decided against it, as flowers the morning after a fight was the number one sign of cheating. Settling for a heartfelt apology and a promise to take into consideration her complaints about the damned album that had started it all, he got up and walked his way back home.

 

 

During his last steps towards his house, his heart felt heavy in his chest. He wasn't having second thoughts about going back, he was just filled with regret and was worried his expressions would be a clear indication of what he had done. Nevertheless, he took his keys out of his pocket and opened the door. The house was quiet. Thinking everyone was still asleep, he gave the door a silent push. Before he could turn, he heard footsteps approaching.

“John? Is that you?” Veronica's voice was filled with concern, and when she appeared from the corridor on his right, he noticed her eyes were red and puffy, a clear sign she had been crying.

John approached Veronica a bit shyly, afraid she would tell him to leave and never come back. He was prepared for the worst, really, but Veronica simply moved towards him and wrapped her arms around him. John gave into the hug, stroking her hair and holding her tightly.

“I missed you so much”, she muffled in his chest.

“I'm so, so sorry I yelled at you last night. I was a right twat” He didn't dare look her in the eyes, afraid it would only take one look from his wife for him to come clean.

“It doesn't matter, I'm just glad you're back”, she replied, face now burried in his shoulder. “I got really worried when you didn't come back last night, and felt really stupid for arguing with you over such a small thing. I shouldn't have complained about the album, let alone yell at you. I'm sorry”

Veronica's words made John's eyes fill up with tears, and he sniffed his nose. “You were right though, I have been giving more of my time to the band than to you and the kids. From now on I promise to be a better husband”

“You don't have to. You're already perfect”

At that John giggled, and felt the weight from his shoulders lift. He pulled back from the hug and gave Veronica a sweet, tender kiss that was full of emotion. When they pulled away, he continued kissing Veronica all over her face until she was full on laughing. A loud voice that most definitely belonged to their oldest son Robert echoed through the house, and John took Veronica's hand and followed her into their children's room. A wide smile spread on his face when he saw his three children jumping up and down on their beds, yelling 'Daddy!' when they spotted him, and immediately running to hug him. Veronica joined the hug and, as he was holding in his arms the four most precious people in his life, he figured things might not be that bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly shorter chapter again, sorry about that. Please tell me what you think of it so far, I really enjoy writing this so any suggestion on how to improve it is more than welcome.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are appreciated x


	5. Present Day ~ August 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i gotta apologise for posting a small chapter, revisions are kicking my butt right now. nonetheless, here is another chapter that somehow turned out to be a mix of present and past day, dunno how that happened tbh
> 
> anyways, i hope you like it :)

“Okay John, see you soon. Bye” Roger hang up the phone and looked at Brian, who let out a big sigh. _Was he holding his breath?_

“So?” Brian was eager to know what had been discussed, having only heard Roger's part of the conversation.

“He said he'll meet us. Tomorrow.”, he said and put the phone in his pocket with still trembling hands. “I think that's enough clothes for today, don't you think? I'm tired. Shall we go upstairs and eat something?”. He took a few steps towards the stairs, but Brian didn't move.

“Is that it?”

Roger turned to look at him, his arms crossed. “Yeah. He didn't say much. Only that he knows about the movie, and that we should probably talk in person instead of on the phone. I agreed, and so we're meeting tomorrow for coffee. He'll text us the adress”

Brian simply nodded, so Roger continued. “He didn't sound angry, if that's what you're asking. He was calm”.

This filled Brian's face with relief, and Roger knew why. From the moment the movie was announced, Brian had been pestering everyone to inform John. Roger did not deem it necessary, but even he had to admit that eventually it would have to happen.

The rest of their day was spent in Roger's house. They ate lunch together, and Brian left late in the evening. John had indeed sent them the location of the cafe they would meet, and the two of them agreed for Roger to come by Brian's house so they would go together. And Roger tried pretty hard this time to get ready on time, he really did. It was, for once, not his fault they were running late, but Brian's. Something about a 'tradition of being late' that Roger did not care enough to pay attention to. As Brian drove them to the cafe, he leaned his head backwards and wondered how the hell had they come to this.

_It all started after Freddie passed away, he remembered. The first few days they didn't even have the strength to talk to each other, let alone talk to the press or make music. Eventually, they did talk. It was him who called John and Brian, kindly asking them to come to his house with their families for Christmas. There were tears, but there was also hope. That was when the idea for a tribute concert was born. A concert for Freddie, for their fans, and for everybody who was suffering from that horrible disease that had taken their beloved friend._

_And so the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert for AIDS Awareness was held a couple of months later, with the help of their manager, Jim Beach, and the contribution of many talented artists. Roger could honestly say it had gone better than they would have ever imagined. The three of them let go of their pain for that day and only cared about making music, and making Freddie proud. And Roger really believed they could do this. Living in a world without Freddie would be painful, but having Brian and John by his side made the pain a bit more bearable. They were brothers, they had eachother's backs. They would face whatever life threw at them._

_What neither him nor Brian knew that day was that, this would be the last time all three of them stood on the same stage. In hindsight, he should have seen it coming. It was in 1997, two years after the release of 'Made In Heaven', when John expressed his desire to leave the band. If Roger remembered correctly, his exact words were, “I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore”, and “There is no Queen without Freddie”. And Roger be damned, he was right. There was no Queen without Freddie. Roger would have done the same thing if he didn't rely on music to keep him going. It was like an anchor that provided him with the strength to continue living in a world without one of his best friends. He knew that Brian was not handling this very well either, despite the facade he was putting on, meaning he had to be there to help him. He also knew that John's strength always came from his family. So they let him go. There were no arguments, no fighting whatsoever._

_“We will be in touch”_

_That's what John had said on his way out. And they did, for a while. They would talk on the phone at least once a week, and meet at least once a month. Most of their talking was about finances and legal matters, but they still were there for eachother. As the years passed, their contact became less frequent. Not hearing from John for over half a year became normal, and oh my god did Roger want to complain about it. And he had, to poor Brian, who had been there comforting his friend while he yelled about how John abandoned them. Roger had apologised many times to Brian for his behaviour, and Brian always said he didn't mind. Feelings of guilt and immense gratitude filled his body every time he thought about these tantrums of his, and the way his friend always calmed him down._

_Roger wasn't angry anymore. He was just tired. And when John stopped calling them entirely, a couple of years ago, he didn't complain. Brian kept asking if he was okay, and everytime he would truthfuly answer that, yes, he was alright. Because it was true. When the whole movie situation began, Brian asked him again. This time he hesitated before answering, but the answer was the same. He couldn't be mad at John, he had simply chosen a different way of coping than them. His friend was happy, or at least he hoped he was, and that eased the pain._

Before he knew it, they were pulling up outside the small coffee shop. It was rather nice, Roger had to admit, it seemed quiet and cozy, very John-like. As he exited the vehicle and made his way to the door, Brian grabbed his arm and stopped him. Before Brian could speak, Roger raised his hand in a stopping motion. “Don't bother”, he said. “I know what you're going to say”, he continued when he saw his friend's confusion. “Don't jump on him, let him speak, let him explain. Isn't that what you were going to say?”

“More or less, yeah”, admitted Brian as he let go of Roger and reached for the door handle. “Just be patient with him. We all want for this to work, so it's better that we take it slowly”

Roger sighed. “I suppose you're right. Shall we?”

With a nod and a hint of a smirk, Brian opened the door. The strong smell of coffee and something overly sweet hit them right away. The cafe was indeed small and quiet, with only a few tables and a couple of patrons that were quietly talking. A young woman, seemingly the only worker there, was wiping a table on their right, and gave them a warm smile when she finished and made her way towards the counter. Brian quickly scanned the room and his heart felt quite heavy in his chest when he spotted John, sitting in the far left corner, sipping on his tea while reading a newspaper. He nudged Roger, who still hadn't seen him, and shook his head towards his direction. They both shared an understanding look, and made their way to where John was sitting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh like i said, small chapter, but thank god im officially on easter break so updates will hopefully become more frequent
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated :) xx


	6. Flashback ~ June 1983

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this might be the longest chapter I've written so far, but i had a lot of things to cover and i liked writing it, so i hope you enjoy it!

Despite Veronica's words, John kept his promise. After a much needed conversation between the two of them that cleared everything up, he called Freddie to arrange a band meeting for the following day. Freddie then informed Brian and Roger and so, the following afternoon, he drove to their recording studio to make his suggestion. He went there prepared, meaning he had spent all morning coming up with well-built arguments he could use, should they protest. Said arguments included, but were not limited to:

 

“ _Come on Freddie, do you really want to leave your cats to Mary again, after not seeing them for so long? I bet you missed them like crazy, right?”_

 

“ _Brian, you have to admit, you were complaining so much during the tour about being away from your kids for such a long time. I think a bit of a vacation with them will do you wonders”_

 

“ _Roger, you've always said that you wanted to do more solo work, right?. You could use this time to work on some of those projects you've been talking about”._

 

Eventually, none of his arguments were used. For when he entered the studio, he was met with a solemn looking Freddie, who took him to where they were sitting. Neither Brian nor Roger knew why Freddie looked so serious and, when he dramatically announced that they were in dire need of a break because, as he gracefully put it, ' _Well we look like bloody zombies, darlings, just look at us, exhausted and all_ ', the three of them let out a collective sigh of relief and started giggling, muttering words of agreement. John, personally, had never felt more relieved in his life. Dear Freddie had lifted the burden of suggesting it off of him, and didn't even know it. He had been ready to back him up if the others were to disagree, but there was no need for it.

 

 

And so Queen took a 'creative break', as they called it. It was, for the most part, used for creative purposes, but also for a much needed vacation for all of them. Roger took Dominique and his toddler, Felix, to Cornwall for a month, and then to France, for two more, before spending the rest of his vacation at his mansion, brainstorming songs for Queen and for The Cross. Freddie spent his vacation coming up with song ideas and starting, but nearly never finishing, about ten new projects every day, but also making sure they had everything ready for when they decided to go back and record. Brian spent most of his time at home, loving the hell out his toddler Jimmy and his wife Chrissie, making up for all the time he spent touring.

 

As for John, these six months were some of the most relaxed of his entire life. He devoted himself to his wife and kids, he came up with lots of ideas for songs they could put in the new album and, to their absolute delight, around April him and Veronica discovered they were going to have another baby. He decided against telling his bandmates just yet, making sure everything was okay, and thinking that they would have plenty of time to discuss eveything that happened in their lives on their next meeting, three weeks later.

 

 

 

Those three weeks came and went quicker than all four of them had anticipated. The day they would return to the recording studio to do some talking and catching up had come, and John was frantically pacing up and down in his house, searching for his car keys that had mysteriously vanished. ' _First day back and I'm going to be ridiculously late',_ he thought to himself. ' _Nice one, John, very nice'._

 

Eventually, he gave up searching. “Ronnie!”

 

No reply.

 

Clearing his throat, he tried once more. “Veronica!”

 

“Yes honey, what is it?”, came Veronica's loud reply from their room.

 

“M'gonna be late, can't find my keys”

 

“Oh”. Veronica was now in the hallway with him, observing John with a smirk. “Have you checked the table near the television, dear? You always leave stuff there”.

 

John stood still for a moment, contemplating her comment, then dashed to the living room to check. To his luck, the keys were indeed there. Walking quickly he picked up his coat, but stopped to give Veronica a big kiss and to whisper 'You're a lifesaver' against her lips. He took a moment to caress and place a soft kiss on her belly, making her giggle and smack his arm. “You're going to be late, go!”

 

“Right, yes” John stood straight and half-ran to the door, with Veronica right behind him. As he exited the house he murmured a “See you at lunch, love you”

 

“Love you too,” replied Veronica, ushering him out. “Now go before they fire you”

 

John had already walked a few steps but turned to look at his wife. “Nah they can't fire me”, he proudly replied. “M'too important”

 

Veronica was looking at him through the half-closed door. “John?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“GO”

 

He laughed and began walking again. “Okay, okay I'm going. Love you”

 

As he got inside his car, he took a deep breath to relax before he put his keys into the starter. While he drove to the studio, he started quietly singing one of the songs he wrote while on vacation. It was still a work in process, and he hadn't even found the right beat to accompany it, but even as it were he hated it. Not really the song itself, but the reason why it existed. He started writing it a couple of days after the fight between him and Veronica, after _that_ night, as an escape from the overwhelming guilt he felt all the time. Weirdly enough, it did help him feel better.

 

Another thing he regretted is that he mentioned its existence to Freddie over the phone the other day. Now all three of his bandmates wanted to see it, and maybe even put it on the album. Problem was, John didn't really have a valid excuse to not show it or put it on the album, so he had no choice but to comply. Sure, he could try to convince them not to use it, but he already knew it would be pointless.

 

Within a couple of minutes he arrived at the studio. As he was parking he heard a loud prolonged honk from the car behind him.

 

“Oh for god's sake, I'm parked. Who's honking?”, he muttered and checked his rear view mirror to see who it might have been. There was a car parked right behind him, but he couldn't make out the driver, nor did he recognise the car.

 

He quickly got out of his car, ready to face whoever it was, but he forgot all about that as soon as he saw a familiar pair of light brown sunglasses surrounded by blonde hair inches away from his face.

 

“Deaky!”, exclaimed Roger and threw his arms around John, hugging him tightly. “I missed you, mate, how've you been?"

 

John let out a hearty laugh as he hugged Roger back. “I missed you too Rog, it's been too quiet without you”

 

“Come on then, let's go inside. I bet Fred and Brian are gossiping like schoolgirls”, said Roger cheekily and pushed a giggling John inside the building. Even a few steps away from the main room door, they could hear Freddie's loud laughter. Grinning, they opened the door and entered the room where their two bandmates were sitting.

 

Freddie and Brian were both laughing and didn't notice John and Roger entering the room, until Roger coughed, which made them both look towards the door. Their faces lit up as soon as they saw their bandmates, and they started approaching them with open arms, ready for a group hug. "Well look who decided to finally show up!", exclaimed Freddie and hugged both his bandmates.

 

"Oh come on Fred, you're the one who's always late, give them a break", said Brian as he smacked Freddie's arm and put his long limbs around his friends, resting his head against John's back. "We missed you guys", he muffled into John's shirt and tightened the hug. All three of them giggled and after a long moment they let go of each other.

 

"So, darlings, tell us everything", said Freddie and sat down on the drum riser as Roger took his seat behind the drums and Brian and John sat on the couch on their left.

 

"Well, me and Dominique went to France for a while", began Roger, "and then we went to Cornwall for another two months. It was great, I wrote some songs and reconded a couple of them, but I've never been more relaxed in my whole life. No offence mates, but being a rockstar is exhausting"

 

All three of them nodded. "None taken darling, we all know what you mean", Freddie assured him.

 

"What about you John? How did you spend your time away from Queen?", asked Brian. Next to him, John was only half paying attention to what his bandmates were saying, for he desperately wanted to tell them what really had happened all those weeks ago. Right now he was one of only two people who knew about it, and he was itching to talk to someone about it, to take it off his chest. Realising he couldn't exactly do that just yet, he settled for what happened after that.

 

"Um, I just stayed at home for the most part, spent lots of time with my kids and Veronica". He then remembered he still hadn't told them the news about the baby. He sat up and cleared his throat. "By the way, guys, I've got an announcement-"

 

"Oh I'm sure it can wait, dear", Freddie cut him off, not noticing the frown on John's face. "A little birdie told me you have a song for us"

 

"Yes! We want to see it Deaks!", chimed in Roger and got up from behind the drums.

 

John's face turned red. He tried to look at anything but his bandmates, but took out the folded piece of paper out of his pocket anyways. There was no use avoiding it now. He gave it to Brian, but Freddie snatched it from his hands and unfolded it. As he examined it, Brian got up from the couch and together with Roger they stood on Freddie's sides, reading the lyrics with him.

 

" 'I Want To Break Free' ?", questioned Roger and looked at John, who simply shrugged in response. After a minute or two, Freddie looked up from the paper and gave it to Brian, who was still inspecting it. "Darling that was brilliant!", he half-sang and approached John. "So much emotion and passion, I love it. This is definitely going on the album".

 

"He's right, Deaky. It's one of the best you've written", said Brian and gave John back the paper with a wide smile. "I can't wait to listen to the bassline for it"

 

"Me either", added Roger and patted him on the shoulder. "You've really done it mate, well done!"

 

John was in the middle of an emotional tornado. Under different circumstances he would have been extremely appreciative of his bandmates' support of his work, and really proud of his song. Now, he couldn't care less about what they thought about it. It was a good song, yes, but that wasn't the point. To him, what mattered the most was that he had done something terrible, and nobody knew about it. To his friends' eyes he had always been the quiet one, the shy one and the responsible one. If they knew what he had done they would certainly hate him, and that was something he could not live with.

 

"I don't think it's that good", he confessed, and finally looked up. His bandmates we looking at him with different levels of disbelief in their eyes. "But", he continued, "if you think it is then I give up"

 

"Well that settles it then", said Freddie and clapped his hands. "It's going on the album!"

 

Brian and Roger cheered along with him and John couldn't help but feel better. Until Roger spoke, that was. "Where did it come from, though?", he innocently asked.

 

John's head started to spin. "What do you mean?", he asked, his tone harsher than he intended for it to be.

 

Roger noticed that. "Nothing", he quickly replied and shifted uncomfortably in his place. "It's just that", he continued with caution, looking at Brian and Freddie for support, "most of your songs have some sort of meaning behind them and I thought-"

 

"Well there is no meaning behind this one". John's harsh tone suprised even himself, but all he could do in this situation was to get defensive. "It just popped into my head one night, that's all".

 

Brian put a hand on his shoulder and tentatively asked, "Are you sure, Deaks?". He missed John's desperate looking glance towards Freddie and continued. "I don't mean to be rude but _'I want to break free from your lies, you're so self-satisfied I don't need you'? And 'I have to be sure when I walk out the door, oh how I want to break free'?"_

 

John's mind stopped working. His head was spinning and his heart was beating faster than ever. Somewhere in the distance he heard Brian's concerned voice ask him "Mate, is everything okay between you and Veronica?"

 

The head-spinning stopped, and he turned his head towards Brian with wide eyes, as anger filled his body and his breath became shallow. "Of course things are fine with Veronica, why would you ask that?", he harshly asked. He saw Brian immediately shrink, and felt a pinch of regret, but it was too late. "I'm just concerned about you Deaky, that's all", said Brian in a quiet voice, which only angered John more.

 

"He's right, John", came Roger to Brian's aid. "You seem bothered by something, are you sure everything is fine?"

 

John felt cornered. His secret was still miles from being out, but he felt helpless nonetheless. "Yes!", he yelled, startling his bandmates, and got up from the couch. "Everything is fine, now stop asking me"

 

He hadn't even realised he was heading for the door, until Freddie asked where he was going. "I need some air", he murmured and opened the door, shutting it with a loud bang as he exited.

 

Back in the room, Freddie looked at Brian and Roger to make sure this had actually happened, that he hadn't just imagined it. He assumed he looked as surprised as they did, which was fair, given the fact that John never yelled or stormed out. "I think I should go check if our dear John is okay", he began saying and Brian and Roger nodded. "Something must be really bothering him for him to storm out like that"

 

"Please tell him I didn't mean to upset him", required Brian, looking quite distressed. "I just wanted to make sure he was okay"

 

Freddie muttered a "Will do, darling, don't worry", and exited the room. It didn't take long before he found John. He was sitting on a bench outside the building, staring at the wall opposite him. Carefully, Freddie sat next to him, and waited for John to speak whenever he was ready. Turned out it was the right thing to do, because after a couple of minutes of silence, he heard quiet sobs coming from his friend. Freddie immediately wrapped his arms around John and he let him cry, as it was clear he needed to vent.

 

They stayed like that for a while, until John broke the silence with a soft "Fred?", against his friend's shirt.

 

"Yes darling?", replied Freddie and rubbed John's back soothingly.

 

"I did something terrible", John managed to say inbetween sobs, his voice croaky and quiet.

 

"Oh I'm sure you didn't dear", said Freddie, which only brought a fresh wave of tears to John's eyes. He knew it would be better if he didn't say anything, but Freddie's calm voice and the warmth from his hug convinced him it was about time he shared his secret with somebody. It might as well make things a bit easier, since he would at least have a shoulder to cry on. ' _To hell with it',_ he thought.

 

"I cheated on Veronica"

 

Freddie's mind basically short-circuited. He didn't move, but he stopped rubbing John's back.  _'What just happened',_ he thought to himself. Slowly, he pushed John back to face him. John's eyes were red and his face wet from the tears. He refused to look at Freddie and instead looked at the ground like it was the most interesting thing.

 

"When did it happen, dear?", was all Freddie could say.

 

John took a deep breath and looked up, locking eyes with his friend. "In January. Me and Veronica had a big argument and I went out to have a drink. I met a woman and we talked and we got really drunk and then I took her back to her hotel and we kissed and-", he didn't finish his sentence as a loud sob escaped his throat and tears started falling from his eyes once again.

 

Freddie hugged him again and waited for him to calm down, partly because he wanted to give John some space, but also because he was literally speechless. Never in his life did he think that John would be the kind of guy that cheats on his wife. All he knew now was that he should let John explain in his own pace, and that's what he did.

 

"Freddie you have to believe me, I didn't mean to do it. I was so drunk, I've never been this drunk in my entire life, I don't know what came over me. I have spent every single day regretting what I did, and I blame myself for it all the time. Please, Fred, I don't know what to do".

 

John's words gave Freddie some reassurance that, yes, this was their John. He obviously felt tremendously guilty and he could see the love he had for his wife in his eyes every time he spoke about her. "Darling", he began, "I'm sure you feel really bad that you did this and, I'm not going to lie to you, you should, because it is quite bad. But, I know you love your wife and your kids more than anything in the world. You would never do anything to hurt them, which makes me think you must have indeed been incredibly drunk that night. And that is all it was, one night. I'm not saying you should just forget it and move on, I'm saying you should keep it as a reminder. Just don't let one night define who you are".

 

John nodded several times and hugged Freddie again. "Thank you"

 

"You're welcome dear". He paused for a second and then added "I suppose you haven't told Veronica, right?"

 

John shoot up, his eyes wide. "No! I could never do that to her. Please don't tell her Fred"

 

"Of course I won't dear", reassured him Freddie. "I won't tell Brian and Roger either. It will be our little secret".

 

John's face was full of gratitude. "Thank you for this. I really needed to tell someone".

 

"You're welcome dear", said Freddie with a warm smile. "It's just that, I still dont understand where the song came from.

 

John sighed and looked at Freddie with honesty. "I wrote it from Veronica's perspective", he quietly replied. "All this time i kept thinking 'what if she finds out', 'what will she do if she finds out'. And all that came to my mind was that she'd want to break free-"

 

"From your lies", supplied Freddie.

 

"Exactly"

 

They sat quietly for a few more minutes, and then John stood up. "I think it's time to go back inside. They must be wondering where we are"

 

Freddie got up too, and guided him inside by the shoulders. "You're right dear. And if you don't feel comfortable with us putting the song on the record, just tell me. I'll make sure the others don't fuss about it"

 

A warm feeling of gratitude washed over John and he turned to look at the singer. "I appreciate it Fred, but it won't be necessary. I think we should put it on the record"

 

With a nod, Freddie opened the door to the room they were before. "If you say so, dear"

 

Inside, Brian was sitting on the couch, deep in thought, and Roger was standing close to the door, looking a bit worried. When they noticed their friends they tentatively approached them, waiting for Freddie's signal that everything was fine. A nod from Freddie reassured them, and Brian opened his mouth to apologise to John. Before he could speak, John lifted his hand and stopped him. "Brian, if you wanted to say you're sorry, please don't. It's me who should apologise, to all three of you actually. I was quite rude and I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm sorry".

 

"It's alright mate, I shouldn't have pushed you. I'm sorry, too", said Brian and let out the breath he had been holding.

 

"Just so you know, everything is fine between me and Veronica", said John with a smile. "Actually, more than fine", he continued, amused by the puzzled look on his bandmates' faces. "I had an announcement to make before this whole mess with the song, and that announcement was that we're having another baby!"

 

"Shut up!"

 

"Darling that is wonderful news!"

 

"Oh my God Deaky congratulations!"

 

Tears threatened to fall from John's eyes for what seemed like the millionth time that day, though this time they were tears of joy. He felt arms wrap around him once more, and he let himself melt in the cheerful words of his friends. "Thank you guys", he said and hugged them back, a huge grin on his face.

 

When they let go of each other, Freddie was the first one to speak. "Darlings, we have got to celebrate!"

 

John opened his mouth to protest, but Freddie added "Not tonight, of course. I know you have to go home, but please dear, do find some time to come have a drink with us."

 

"Of course I will, Fred", he reassured him. "Do you think we should call it a day?"

 

"Yes please", said Roger and headed for the door. "Oh, by the way", he turned to look at John. "While you and Fred were out, me and Brian had an idea for your song"

 

Brian rolled his eyes. "No, you had an idea. I simply said it is an... interesting one"

 

Roger huffed. "Whatever, you like it"

 

John was now curious. "What idea Rog?"

 

Whatever John was expecting to hear was miles away from what he actually heard.

 

"For the music video, we should dress up in drag"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think of it, comments and kudos motivate me so much xx


	7. Present Day ~ August 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! First of all, I'm sorry I took so long to update, I had zero free time and whenever I tried to write something, I had no inspiration whatsoever :( But reading all your lovely comments motivated me so much, so I want to thank you all for your support!!!
> 
> This chapter was really hard to write and I still don't like it that much, but it was this or another week of rewriting, so I apologise in advance if it's messy or weird xx

Before entering the small cafe, John looked at his watch. 9:45. He still had about fifteen minutes before meeting up with Brian and Roger, and he was a nervous mess. What if they were mad at him for not having any contact for so long? And what if they secretly hated him for abandoning the band all those years ago? And what if they told him they didn't want him to participate in the making of the movie? And what if-

 

 _'Stop it',_ he mumbled and took a deep breath as he entered the cafe. Quickly scanning the room, he noticed a small table near the corner that would be perfect for the three of them to talk in peace. He pulled a chair and put the newspaper he bought just before he got there on the table, waiting for the waitress to come and take his order.

 

When John hang up the phone yesterday morning after talking to Roger, he didn't expect to feel that nervous. Hell, he didn't even expect they would agree to meet him, since he hadn't talked to them in a couple of years. They did, though, and John felt a happiness he hadn't felt in years. The prospect of seeing his two best friends after so long made him giddy with excitement, and he couldn't stop talking about it. Veronica was delighted to see him so happy, and she gladly listened to him ramble.

 

Of course, he would have a lot of explaining to do. He knew that. He spent the majority of his afternoon worrying about what he would say and, after a lot of thinking he had a pretty clear idea of how to explain what had happened. Now all that was left was for them to understand.

 

The waitress came to take his order, and when she left he took his newspaper and started reading, but couldn't concentrate at all. Everytime someone entered the shop he would look up, only to be slightly dissapointed when it wasn't them. Eventually, after the waitress came back with his tea, he stopped looking and tried his best to distract himself with the newspaper.

 

Another glance at his watch told him that 20 minutes had passed, and Brian and Roger were nowhere to be seen. _Typical_ , he thought without any real malice and sipped on his now slightly cold tea. He actually managed to focus on his newspaper, reading an article that caught his attention, but that only lasted a few minutes.

 

"Hello John"

 

John looked up from his newspaper and took a moment to observe the two men opposite him. He hadn't seen them in person in about 6 years but, apart from the slightly greyer hair and a few new wrinkles here and there, his two oldest and dearest friends hadn't changed a bit. A small, almost sad smile formed on his lips as he greeted them. "Hello Brian, Roger."

 

Brian shifted uncomfortably in his place, and put a hand on the chair in front of him. "Can we sit?"

 

"Yes, of course", he replied and put his newspaper aside, deciding it would be better if he got straight to the point. Before he could utter a word, Brian spoke first.

 

"John we're very sorry"

 

John's expression turned into a confused one. Here he was, ready to apologise to Brian and Roger about his behaviour over the past ten years, but listening to them apologise to him instead. He tilted his head in question. "Uh, sorry for what Brian?"

 

From the corner of his eye he noticed Roger rolling his eyes in clear frustration, and crossing his arms as he leaned backwards. "Do you really want us to beg for your forgiveness?", spat Roger, gaining an elbow to the ribs from Brian. He turned to look at Brian, who was staring at him with annoyance. "What?", he questioned, not really expecting an answer.

 

Brian ignored Roger and turned his attention back to John. "We're sorry for not telling you about the movie sooner", he explained. "We understand if you are angry, and we won't push you to be a part of it if you don't want to"

 

John was even more confused now. "Wait," he began, "you think I'm angry at you for not telling me about the movie?"

 

"Well yes", said Brian and shared a glance with Roger, not really understanding John's confusion. "We thought you would be, since we agreed to make a movie about us without telling you about it"

 

"It's mostly my fault", admitted Roger, whose tone was now softer, as he locked eyes with John. "I was the one who was hesitant about telling you. Brian wanted to tell you since day one, but I didn't let him. So, if you want to be angry at someone, that someone should be me, because-"

 

"I'm not angry", interrupted John as realisation finally dawned on him.

 

Roger stopped taking and blinked in confusion. "You're not?"

 

A small smile formed on John's lips. "No, I'm not". And then the smile disappeared as he continued. "I'm sorry."

 

Brian and Roger shared a confused look. "What are you sorry for John?", questioned Brian.

 

"Well", he began, "I was the one who left. We were all going through a very difficult time when Freddie passed, and all I did was to abandon you. I only cared about myself, about how I felt. I didn't care about you, or about the band. I just left it all behind, and I left you two behind as well, which is something I deeply regret."

 

John stopped, waiting for a reaction from his former bandmates, but seeing as they both remained silent, he continued. "That is why I'm not angry, or insulted, or anything like that. You had every right not to tell me about the movie. It's not like I've shown any interest in being involved in anything Queen related in the past few years anyways. What I am, though, is really, really sorry. About my behaviour, about quitting the band, about not having more frequent contact." By the end of his speech, John's voice was filled with emotion. He took a deep breath and added a small "about letting you down", and looked down, avoiding his friends' eyes.

 

Roger looked down as well, taking a moment to collect his thoughts before looking up again. "John look at me"

 

Hesitantly, John did as he was told. He really didn't know what to expect from Roger. Was he angry? Would he yell at him and tell him he never wanted to see him again, or would he understand his point? Either way, John was fully prepared.

 

"When you left the band", began Roger, "I was angry, for a while. I was also sad. But mostly angry. Partly with you, for leaving us, but also with myself, for not being able to give you the support you needed. And then I wasn't angry anymore, because I understood why you left. For you, your family always had a special place in your heart. So it seemed pretty natural for you to seek for strength in them, instead of us, who were too busy grieving to care about anything". He paused to look over at John, who's mouth had dropped.

 

"You weren't selfish, or a bad person. You simply chose a different coping mechanism. And that's totally fine. So don't feel like you let us down, because you didn't. Brian is right though, if you don't want to be involved in the movie, we will not pressure you. It's your choice."

 

All John could do was to stare at Roger, unable to form a coherent thought. Was he feeling relieved? Or was it gratitude? He really couldn't tell. Eventually, he cleared his throat and tried to speak. "I- uh, I don't know what to say. I spent all these years thinking you were holding me responsible for tearing Queen apart. I'm so sorry"

 

"It doesn't matter anymore, John", reassured him Brian. "We're just happy you're okay"

 

"Yeah", joined Roger with a chuckle. "It's good to see you, Deaks"

 

"It's good to see you, too", said John with a small smile. "But," he began, "about the movie-"

 

"Oh, you don't have to tell us now", interrupted Brian. "You can take some time to-"

 

"I'll do it."

 

The look of pure shock on his friends' faces made John laugh. "What's wrong?", he playfully asked and leaned back on his chair, a cheeky grin on his face.

 

"You cheeky bastard!", exclaimed Roger as he grinned. "Knew you couldn't stay away from us"

 

"Are you sure, John?", asked Brian, a similar grin adorning his face.

 

"More than ever", replied John. "I stayed away for way too long. It will be a slow process, getting back out there, but I think it will be worth it." He looked at his former bandmates with wide eyes. "They're making a bloody movie for us!"

 

Both Brian and Roger laughed and confirmed that, yes, there was going to be a movie about their lives. The rest of their morning was spent catching up, discussing about the movie and how crazy it sounded, but also reminiscing on the past and promising to stay in touch, but for real this time. And John indeed felt happier than ever.


	8. Flashback ~ June 1983

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter might appear confusing at first, but i swear it will make sense by the end lol
> 
> it was an idea I've had for a while but didn't really know how to incorporate to the story, so i hope you like this lil twist!!

Back in the room, Freddie looked at Brian and Roger to make sure this had actually happened, that he hadn't just imagined it. He assumed he looked as surprised as they did, which was fair, given the fact that John never yelled or stormed out. "I think I should go check if our dear John is okay", he began saying and Brian and Roger nodded. "Something must be really bothering him for him to storm out like that"

 

"Please tell him I didn't mean to upset him", required Brian, looking quite distressed. "I just wanted to make sure he was okay"

 

Freddie muttered a "Will do, darling, don't worry", and exited the room, leaving Brian and Roger, who were still very much speechless, inside.

 

Roger took a look at Brian, who seemed really worried, and sat next to him, placing his hand on his shoulder in a comforting manner. "Hey", he said as he squeezed Brian's shoulder to gain his attention, "you didn't do anything wrong, mate. Deaky's probably going through something, I'm sure he'll be alright"

 

Brian nodded and sat silent for a moment, before he turned to look at Roger. "Should I go talk to him?"

 

"Honestly? No, I don't think you should", replied Roger, but regretting it immediately when he saw Brian's face drop. "No, I don't mean it like that", he quickly added. "I think you should let him calm down first. Then you can apologise to him, even though I think there is nothing to apologise for"

 

With a sigh, Brian leaned back on the couch and stared at the ceiling, trying to calm down. "I suppose you're right."

 

A cheerful grin appeared on Roger's face. "Of course I am." He then stood up and went for the door. "I'm going to get some water, do you want anything?"

 

"No, thank you", replied Brian and resumed his staring contest with the ceiling.

 

“Alright, I'll be back in a few.” With a soft thud, Roger shut the door behind him and headed for the small fridge they kept near the entrance of the building. He couldn't see Freddie and John anywhere, so he assumed they were either outside, or walking around the building. As he got nearer to the fridge, he heard faint whispers coming from behind the entrance door. Forgetting about the bottle of water he initially came to get, he approached the door, in hopes of hearing what the people behind it were saying, not thinking about the possibility of those people being Freddie and John.

 

The whispers got clearer the more Roger approached the door, and he figured he would be able to hear better if he stuck his ear to the door, which he did. With surprise, he realised the voices belonged to Freddie and John.

 

 

_"I suppose you haven't told Veronica, right?"_

 

_"No! I could never do that to her. Please don't tell her Fred"_

 

_"Of course I won't dear. I won't tell Brian and Roger either. It will be our little secret"_

 

_"Thank you for this. I really needed to tell someone"._

 

_"You're welcome dear"_

 

 

 _'A secret?',_ thought Roger, and pulled himself away from the door, his mind working at full speed. Any other day, perhaps in his younger years, he would have stayed there longer, eavesdropping his mates' conversation, trying to get as many details as possible, or even pressuring them into sharing their secret. The more mature, adult-like part of him knew just how wrong something like that would be. The secret most likely had something to do with the way John was behaving, and he knew John would share it with them whenever he was ready. _'I'm getting old'_ , he murmured and walked away from the door, remembering to actually get a water bottle on his way back.

 

When Roger got back into the recording room, a few minutes later, Brian was still in the same position he was when he left. Rolling his eyes, he opened the water bottle and drank a few gulps, thinking of ways to cheer Brian up at the same time. __'_ Maybe _a nice pair of clogs will make him feel better',__ he thought, and chuckled, as a far better idea came to his mind.

 

“Brian, I've got an idea”, he said, his eyes sparkling with exitement. Seeing as Brian was not responding, he figured catching him uprepared was the best way to express his brilliant thought. “Wanna dress up in drag for John's song?”

 

At that, Brian perked up, not sure he heard right. “I beg your pardon?”

 

“Drag”, repeated Roger and put his water bottle on the table, his smile wide and mischevious. “You know, like in Coronation Street”.Seeing Brian's judgemental look, he pushed him more. “Oh come on! Think about it. You, as the middle aged, overly worried mom, Deaky as her grumpy old mother that lives with her, Freddie as her fierce and independent sister, and me as her young, hot, sexy and wild daughter!”

 

“That is the craziest thing you've heard you say, Rog”, said Brian, an involuntary smile forming on his lips.

 

Roger beamed with pride. “It's a good idea though, isn't it?”

 

“It's innovative, I'll give you that”

 

The door opened with a creak and silence fell between the two of them as Freddie and John entered, looking a lot calmer than before. Roger began approaching them with caution, and saw Brian from the corner of his eye do the same, both looking at Freddie for a sign that everything was okay. A nod from their friend told them exactly that, and Brian and John began apologising to each other. Hearing John say that everything was fine between him and Veronica made them all relax, until he shared the good news, which made them almost burst with happiness for their friend. What made Roger near damn kiss John, though, was his suggestion to call it a day. 

 

On their way out, Roger was so deep in thought that he didn't notice Freddie and John waving goodbye, or Brian talking to him. The secret Freddie was keeping for John was messing with his mind, and he juggled between asking Freddie or John, telling Brian, or doing nothing at all. A tug at his sleeve took him out of his thoughts, and he turned to see Brian staring at him, slightly concerned. "Are you listening to me?"

 

"Sorry, no, wasn't paying attention", apologised Roger. "What were you saying?"

 

"I was just talking about your idea for John's song. I'm in", said Brian as they walked towards Roger's car.

 

It took Roger's mind a moment to catch up with what Brian was saying, but when he did his whole face lit up. "Oh! What made you change your mind?"

 

"I figured it'll be funny", he simply said and fished his keys from his back pocket. "You looked like you've got something on your mind, what's wrong?"

 

Roger figured this would be the perfect chance to tell Brian, take some of the guilt of eavesdropping off his chest. But he just couldn't bring himself to do it. This was something that clearly bothered Deaky a lot, so gossiping about it would only make things worse. It simply wasn't his place to tell him. So, he settled for a smile and a simple "Nothing", as he opened the door of his car.

 

"Are you sure?", pressed Brian

 

"Yes"

 

"Alright then", said Brian, not entirely convinced. "I'll see you in a couple of days"

 

"See you, mate", said Roger as he got inside his car and shut the door. On his way home he wondered once again what the secret could be about, but figured that not thinking about it was the best thing to do, or else he would drive himself mad over it. So, he stopped thinking about it, and by the time he got home he had forgotten it even happened. It wasn't until many years in the future that he would be reminded of that day, under the most peculiar circumstances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it might have been shorter than i anticipated but i hope you enjoyed it!! xx


	9. Present Day ~ September 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, so sorry for taking so long to update. Exams are finally over so hopefully updates will be a bit more regular! this chapter is slightly longer so I hope y'all enjoy!!

When John returned to his house, the day the three of them went to the cafe, he felt lighter than ever. He was not ashamed to say he had missed them terribly, because it was the truth. His decision to leave the band back in 1997 and leave Brian and Roger behind had been one of the hardest he has ever made, because it wasn't even a decision, there just wasn't another way. What came after his retirement was very different to what he was used to, but also very needed. Freddie's death had affected him in ways he didn't even think were possible, so the love of his family was the only way out of this dark pit he had fallen into. And right now, he could honestly say he was doing better.

 

The day he would finally visit the set of Bohemian Rhapsody, three days later, came quicker than John would have liked. He felt extremely unprepared, he couldn't even remember half the names Brian had told him. He may have gotten older, but that almost overwhelming feeling of anxiety that came over him before any performance during his younger years was still here, stronger than ever. So many things could go wrong, from his younger counterpart being someone he didn't like, to him not living up to the younger man's expectations and fantasies about the once rock legend John Deacon.

 

After pacing up and down in his living room for the better part of an hour, he came to the conclusion that everything would be just fine. He was not alone, he had two of the greatest people he knew near him, supporting him. He would be fine.

 

The doorbell that rang loudly and repeatedly took him out of his thoughts, and he went to welcome his two bandmates inside. They had agreed for Brian to pick up Roger and then for them to pick up John because, surprisingly, he was the one that lived the closest to the set.

 

"Ready Deaks?", asked Roger with a smile as he took off his coat and sunglasses, propping himself on the armchair.

 

John hesitated, but nodded as he sat on the couch. "I think so."

 

Brian sat next to John and put a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder. "You'll do just fine, Deaky."

 

John let out a deep breath and nodded. "Just, remind me again, there is Rami, Ben and..."

 

"Gwilym and Joe", supplied Brian. "And of course there's Lucy and Allen."

 

"Oh, okay. Sorry, lots of names", apologised John and turned his body to look at both of them. "Have you met all of them?", he asked.

 

"Almost", said Roger.  We've met everyone except Joe."

 

John squinted his eyes, trying to remember who that was supposed to be, but couldn't.

 

Brian noticed that, and rushed to clarify. "Joe Mazzello, the guy that's playing you. Every time we visit the set he has either just left, or hasn't come yet. We're supposed to meet him today."

 

John simply nodded, and hesitantly added "Are you sure they're going to be okay with me joining you?"

 

Roger rolled his eyes and let out a huff. "Do you really believe there is a chance they won't be?"

 

"Well...", began John, "I haven't been there since the beginning. You two have already helped your actors a lot, this Joe fella that's playing me might be angry I haven't."

 

"You're thinking that because you haven't met him", said Roger and leaned forward. "From what we've heard, this man wants nothing more than to make you proud. That is why you should be there, to help him understand you and to help him make his performance as truthful as possible. But he's an exceptional guy, trust us."

 

Brian turned to John and smiled. "You know I don't say that often John, but Roger is right"

 

"Hey!"

 

John laughed and nodded again. "Thank you both. Shall we go?"

 

Before the others could answer, John's phone rang. "Excuse me, it's Luke."

 

"Of course mate, take your time", said Roger as John answered the phone and began talking to his son, slowly walking away from Brian and Roger as he did.

 

Brian turned to Roger, who was putting his sunglasses back on. "Luke must be around twenty five now, isn't he? God, time flies"

 

"Yeah, he's about a year younger than Rufus.", said Roger and smiled. "What a cute little baby he was. Cameron too."

 

Brian smiled as well, and let his mind be filled with happy memories of laughter and mischief, the calm before the storm. A moment later, he turned to face Roger. "Do you think he'll be alright?"

 

The sudden change of subject surprised Roger. "Who, John? Of course he will be. He's always been tougher than he looked."

 

"Yeah, I suppose you're right", murmured Brian and laughed. "Oh my, this is the second time I've said you're right in just one day. I must be going mad."

 

A smug smile formed in Roger's lips, that fell when he saw John return with an indescribable expression on his face. "What's wrong mate?"

 

John sat back on the couch and put his phone back in his pocket. "Luke has a gig with his band in a few hours, but his bass is not working properly. He needs me to bring him mine, or maybe to fix his. It's at least a two-hour drive, so I'm not sure I will be able to get back on time to visit the set" John looked at them both, an apologetic look in his eyes. "I'm really sorry, I know how important this is."

 

"Of course Deaky, we understand", Brian rushed to reassure him. "Do you need any help? We can drive you-"

 

"Yeah," chimed in Roger, "we can reschedule our visit, it's f-"

 

"Thank you both, but no", interrupted John and got up, trying to rememeber where he last saw his bass. "You have to be there, and make sure they know I'm sorry I couldn't make it today."

 

Roger nodded, and got up to fetch his coat. "We will. You can count on us."

 

"I know I can"

 

Brian started heading for the door, but stopped midway and turned to John, a thoughtful look on his face. "John, me and Roger wanted to say thank you"

 

John stopped as well and tilted his head in question. "You're welcome, but I'm not sure I know why?"

 

"For doing this. I know it must be hard for you to be involved in all of this again, especially after all this time. After all, you left for a reason. But we are really glad you decided to join us for this experience, so thank you".

 

Roger approached John, who was looking at them speechless, and nodded. "Brian covered pretty much everything I wanted to say, so I'll simply say thank you. It's good to have you back."

 

Tears of gratitude began forming in John's eyes, but he simply shrugged. "It really isn't a big deal. I'm just doing what I should have done a long time ago"

 

"Well, whatever it is, we appreciate it.", said Roger as he opened the door. "Say hello to Luke from us, will you? Not sure he remembers us, but do it anyway."

 

John smirked and stood in front of the door. "Of course he remembers you. Now go, you've got work to do."

 

"Goodbye Deaky"

 

"Goodbye"

 

~

 

The car ride to the set was relatively quiet, apart from Brian and Roger humming or sometimes singing along to the songs that were playing on the radio.  _Who would have thought,_ wondered Brian.  _Deaky is back in the game._

 

Within twenty minutes they reached their destination and pulled into the enormous parking lot outside of the set. As they got out of the car and began walking towards the big Wembley stadium replica in the middle of the large field, Brian turned to look at Roger and saw him admiring the big piece of equipment in front of them with a big smile on his face, much like he did all the previous times they had visited. He'd be lying if he said he didn't feel the same way about it. After all, it resembled the original to the detail, and that brought back happy memories.

 

"Are you excited for today?", asked Roger. A few days ago, they had been informed that they would be seeing the boys in costume for the first time that day. They had been given the opportunity to see Rami in Freddie's Live Aid costume two days earlier and, needless to say, there had been many tears and emotions.

 

"For the costumes, you mean?", questioned Brian and hummed after Roger's nod. "Of course I am. Are you?"

 

"Yeah", replied Roger and waved at a cheerful technician that was gaping at them. "I bet Ben will look even better than I did."

 

"Oh, I doubt it Roger. Nobody can look better than you did.", said someone behind them, making Brian and Roger smile as they heard Gwilym, only to realise it can't have been Gwilym, because the man that was approaching them looked exactly like-

 

"Brian, I didn't know we cast your literal clone to play you!", exclaimed Roger and briefly hugged Gwilym, touching his dark bouncing curls in admiration. "We really nailed this one, didn't we Bri- Brian?"

 

Roger stopped in his tracks when he saw the look on Brian's face. Was it admiration? Or was it sadness? He couldn't really tell. His friend was frozen in his place, much like he was when they first saw Rami in his Freddie ensemble. Slowly, Brian approached Gwilym, and smiled as he began adjusing his wig in places where the curls didn't fall into the right spot. "It's like a glimpse from the past", he murmured and wiped a few tears that had escaped his eyes.

 

"Right," said Roger and clapped his hands as he looked around, "where's Ben?"

 

"Right here Roger", said Ben as he approached them from behind Gwilym, wearing Roger's white shirt and a wig with long blond hair, smiling widely. "I think I make a rather decent Roger Taylor, don't I?"

 

Gwilym rolled his eyes playfully and turned to Roger. "Please just tell him he looks terrible or something like that. He's been showing off your clothes all morning."

 

Ben smirked and did a little spin to show off his Live Aid outfit. "So? What do you think?"

 

"I think these clothes look better on you than they did on me!", joked Roger, making Ben go red in the face.

 

"You do look exceptionally good, my boy", agreed Brian.

 

"Ben, where is Joe? Don't tell me we just missed him again.", asked Roger as he looked around while Ben led them through the massive area filled with props and trailers.

 

"Don't worry Roger, he's here", replied Ben. Some movement behind Gwilym caught his attention, and he smiled when he saw who it was. _Speak of the devil_ , he murmured. "Hey Roger, Brian, _there's_ Joe. The guy talking to Rami over there."

 

Roger turned his head to look to where Ben was pointing, and he almost let out a gasp. Rami was talking to a man with green eyes and soft features, wearing jeans and a tucked-in pink shirt, his hair perfectly permed and bouncing as he moved his head. A man who looked _way_ too familiar.

 

Roger leaned his head towards Brian, who was also gaping at the young man, and whispered "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

 

"You mean John's clone?", quietly asked Brian, panic evident in his voice. "Yeah, I'm seeing him, loud and clear."

 

"This is insane. It's like John from 1985 took a time machine and travelled to 2017", he exclaimed, his voice getting more high-pitched as he talked.

 

"I know."

 

Still quite shocked by Joe's appearance, they took a few minutes to respond to his greeting once he approached them. Brian was the first to slightly compose himself, and extended his hand for a handshake with the man, who felt slightly confused by their behaviour, but didn't show it. "It is a great pleasure to finally meet you! I do have to apologize for not meeting you earlier, but time is always against me."

 

"It- it's a pleasure to meet you too, Joe", Brian managed to say, and glanced at Roger for support. All Roger managed to do was nod and shake Joe's hand as well.

 

Next to Brian, Gwilym seemed to notice the change in Brian and Roger's behaviour, and rushed to their rescue. "Sorry to interrupt, but we've got to get ready. Rehearsals start in a few minutes."

 

Relief washed all over the two older mens' faces, and they both nodded as the four younger men said their goodbyes and headed to their trailers. A soon as they left, Roger hurried over to where Brian was standing, his eyes wide. "He- did you see that? He looks even more like John up close!"

 

Brian sighed. "I know. His eyes are practically the same, and his nose, and his lips even!"

 

A few crew members started moving a bunch of equipment towards the big stage, and Roger pushed Brian towards it, neither of them saying another word on that matter. The four boys had already began warming up, each taking his position on the big stage, either fiddling with their microphones or their instruments. Bryan Singer, the movie's director, had shown Brian and Roger a spot from where they could watch the performance without a problem, so the two men got comfortable and watched, as the rehearsal commenced.

 

A mere five minutes later, Brian was already in deep thought, and elbowed Roger to get his attention. "Roger, are you seeing this?"

 

"Yeah, Ben is messing up almost every beat! Why did I even bother teaching him-"

 

"No, look at Joe. It's- he's moving exactly like- ah, nevermind."

 

Confused, Roger turned to look at Brian. "No, tell me. What is it?"

 

With hesitation, Brian continued. "Well, I was thinking that Joe's movements are very similar to John's, but he probably just researched him a lot and copied his moves. It's nothing."

 

"No, I dont think so Brian. Remember what Gwilym said?"

 

Brian frowned and tried to remember, but couldn't. "No, what did he say?"

 

Roger exhaled deeply and looked towards the stage. "He wanted to do a couple of rehearsals on his own. and then research John's movements and expressions", he said and stared at Joe moving around and bouncing up and down in a painfully familiar way. "This is all just him."

 

"Shit."

 

Roger sighed. "Shit indeed."

 

Brian turned his attention back to the stage, but quickly looked away again. "So I'm not the only one who thinks this is a bit weird," said Brian and turned to look at Roger, "am I?"

 

Roger sighed once more, and shook his head. "No, you're not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here you have the BoRhap boys!! I might have exaggerated a bit with Joe's resemblance to John, but I really wanted to make it as obvious as possible.
> 
> thank you for reading, as always kudos and comments mean the world <3


	10. Flashback ~ July 1983

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! this chapter may feel like a filler chapter, but I promise this was not my intention. it just felt a bit one-sided, giving only John's point of view of this whole thing, so here is what Virginia has been going through for the past 6-7 months :)

A sharp kick in the ribs woke Virginia up, who had finally fallen asleep again after three midnight bathroom trips. Seeing as there was no way she would get any more sleep, she got up and went to the living room, tiptoeing in order not to wake up Joseph next to her. They were both getting little sleep these days, so any minute of it was cherished. She checked the clock on the living room wall, and sighed when she saw it was only 3 in the morning. Thankfully, the fridge was fully stocked with all her favourite snacks, courtesy of Joseph, who wanted to make sure she was eating enough, so she gathered some food in her arms and made herself comfortable on the couch, turning on the tv in hopes of finding at least a mediocre movie to watch.

 

She didn't find a movie, not even a good documentary, so she turned off the tv and started caressing her belly absentmindedly, while munching on some chocolate. The kicking had thankfully subsided, so she leaned back and took in the silence of the house. It was a common occurrence these days for her to wake up in the middle of the night, her mind involuntarily overthinking about this year's events.

 

This year had been one of the most eventful of her life. Only two weeks into 1983, her and Joseph decide to take a break from their relationship. Despite it being a mutual choice, they didn't know whether it would be permanent or not, so it hurt Virginia like a real break up. But, instead of wallowing in self-pity, she decided to travel to London for a couple of days, with the intent to relax, maybe visit some of her friends  and family, think about what she wants and just forget about Joseph for a while.

 

And so she packed her bags and three days later she was landing in London, already feeling much calmer than before. Instead of exploring the city and catching up with her relatives though, she ended up staying in her small hotel room for most of her days and nights, watching movies she had seen a thousand times and eating whatever was fast and greasy.

 

On her fifth night in London, while returning to her room after getting some food, she stumbled upon a group of young people at the hotel entrance, all around her age, all very drunk and laughing their hearts out. This simple sight, some kids having fun and just being themselves, made her change her mind about spending every night in the comfort of her room, and that's how she ended up going to the nearest pub in that area, wearing whatever she had brought that looked at least a bit fancy, sitting next to a man with permed hair whose sad expression certainly matched hers. She didn't pay him much attention, until the bartender brought him his drink, which made her look his way. Only then did she realise she was sitting next to John Deacon himself, one of the members of Queen, a band that just so happened to be her favourite band in the world.

 

They talked, they drank and they danced, both of them enjoying and appreciating each other's company a lot. She hadn't felt this carefree in a while, and even though she knew this would be over soon, and that she would have to face the cold reality of returning back to New York and talking with Joseph about their relationship, she couldn't help but let herself loose and make the most of her night. After all, it's not every day that you meet John Deacon.

 

She would be lying if she said she didn't find John attractive. Roger might be the one that made the ladies swoon with one simple wink, but John had his fair share of drooling ladies, and Virginia was definitely one of them. In hindsight, she didn't even know when she decided that sleeping with John might not be a terrible idea. It might have been during their dancing, or maybe when he walked her back to her hotel. Maybe she didn't even want to know. The kiss they shared outside the hotel was all it took for her to invite him upstairs, and attack his lips again as soon as the door closed behind him.

 

Soon enough they were both naked, and both all over each other. And then she stopped. Was this really what she wanted? She couldn't tell, alcohol and pure desire for the man on top of her clouding her judgement. John's agreement to what they were about to do was all she needed to hear, so they continued, moans filling the room until they both saw stars.

 

She didn't know how long she slept for after that, but when she woke up it was way past noon, the bed was empty and John was gone. A small part of her was slightly disappointed he wasn't there, but she quickly forgot about it due to the immense amount of guilt that flooded her whole body. The pain in her head from the hangover was nothing compared to the pain she felt in her heart, and she knew she had screwed this up beyond repair. If Joseph found out she had cheated on him, he would be absolutely heartbroken and she would never forgive herself for doing that to him.

 

 _But,_ she thought,  _did I really cheat on him?_ They were broken up, after all, so technically it wouldn't be considered cheating, right? _What am I thinking, of course it was cheating. What have I done?_ _._ As she got up and got dressed, her hands slightly trembling, she figured that not telling Joseph about it was the only solution.  _After all, this was a one time thing. It won't happen again, and it won't affect us in any way._

 

Two days later, she was heading back to New York, ready to talk to Joseph and either end things for good, or try to mend what was broken. After leaving her bags in their apartment, she took a quick shower and drove to his old apartment, where she knew he would be since he moved out a week ago.

 

In the few seconds between her pressing the doorbell and Joseph opening the door, she realised she had gone to London in vain, since she still hadn't figured out whether she wanted to get back with Joseph or not. The sight of a miserable-looking Joseph opening the door, eyes red and wide, whispering her name in disbelief when he saw her standing on the either side of the door, made her jump in his arms and hug him harder than she ever had. Joseph hugged her back even tighter and sighed in relief. "Please don't ever leave again", he whispered against her hair.

 

Virginia let out a sob and tightened her grip around his waist. "I won't. I love you, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry". She pulled away for a moment to look at Joseph's face while he gently caressed her hair, and then she gave him a kiss so full of emotion and unspoken guilt, that she started crying.

 

Joseph pulled away to wipe the tears from her cheeks and cupped her face, giving her several small pecks on the lips. "Don't be. I love you so much", he softly said.

 

"No, I'm sorry, f- for-" She stopped for a second, once again considering her options. She could either tell Joseph what she did, which would possibly end in him hating her for it, or she could lie to him, so that they could start over and forget about everything that happened. She couldn't even bear the thought of hurting Joseph, so she chose the latter. "For leaving. And for suggesting that we took a break. Stupidest thing I've ever said."

 

Joseph chuckled and hugged her again. "Love, it doesn't matter. It's not your fault, I should have tried harder. You have no idea how much I missed you."

 

Virginia melted in his arms and muffled "I missed you too" against his chest.

 

The rest of their day was spent on Joseph's couch. They talked things out and they cuddled, staying like that until the next morning. By the end of January, Joseph had moved back to their apartment, and everything seemed to fall back into a normal pace, except maybe from Virginia's constant guilt and anxiety, both of which began to fade over time, but never really went away.

 

The morning after a lovely date night with Joseph, sometime in the middle of February, Virginia woke up drenched in sweat, her head pounding and her stomach turning. Joseph next to her had already woken up, and saw her looking quite pale, but didn't even manage to say a word to her before she pushed the covers away and rushed to the bathroom where she kneeled in front of the toilet just in time to throw up, getting rid of last night's dinner.

 

In a heartbeat, Joseph was kneeling next to her, holding her hair away from her face and rubbing her back soothingly. When she finished, he gently helped her up and led her to the sink to help her clean, his face filled with concern. "Better?", he asked as he rubbed her shoulders.

 

"Not really", whispered Virginia as she began brushing her teeth, leaning into Joseph's touch. A couple of minutes later she was done getting cleaned up and went back to bed to lay down, the feeling of nausea not yet gone.

 

Joseph lied next to her, putting his arms around her to comfort her, smiling when she moved closer to him. "Last night might have been fun, but your stomach seems to disagree", he said and felt Virginia giggle underneath him. "It might have been the salmon. Or that weird-looking sauce."

 

"Or the dessert. Why did we even order that thing?", she asked and leaned further into Joseph's embrace. She hadn't felt that sick since she was a kid, and even then it was just a headache or a fever, but nothing as bad as this. The fact that she threw up also baffled her, since her and Joseph had eaten exactly the same food, but he didn't get sick. The thought of her catching a cold crossed her mind, but she quickly dismissed it. There was only one more possible explanation, but- 

 

 _No,_ she thought,  _that can't be it. I mean, we had sex after I came back, but we used protection. Unless- oh god_

 

She froze. She tried to remember everything from that night, every little detail that could indicate whether they used protection or not. Her heart nearly leapt out of her chest as she realised that  _no, we didn't. Shit._

 

A million things were going through Virginia's head at that moment. First of all, she didn't even know for sure she was pregnant. And then, even if she was, the baby was definitely Joseph's. Not John's. They may have been reckless, but they hadn't been that reckless,  _right?_

 

During the rest of the day she didn't feel nauseous again, but the next morning she found herself kneeling against the cold tiles of the bathroom, wiping her mouth and coughing after having just emptied the insides of her stomach. The situation continued for a couple of days and, by the end of the week, she had made up her mind. She had to get a test, and she had to get it soon.

 

Getting the test and doing it was easy. What Virginia found extremely difficult was looking at the result. She had been in the bathroom for nearly half an hour, staring at the test long after it was ready, thankful that Joseph was not in the house. Eventually, she decided that it was now or never, and she picked the test up.

 

It was positive.

 

Virginia did a double check, but the result remained the same. She was pregnant. A smile formed on her lips and she found herself getting excited with the thought of her and Joseph having a baby together. The smile grew bigger as she started coming up with ways she could break the news to him, but in the end she settled for quite a simple way. Joseph's reaction was exactly what she expected. The hug he gave her and the way he kissed her, putting his hand on her still flat stomach at the same time made her tear up, as she felt happier than ever before. They were starting their own little family, how could she not be happy?

 

Over the next couple of months though, Virginia's anxiety shot up, and along with doubt it took the place of her excitement. What if something happened to the baby? What if something happened to her? What if they weren't good parents?  _What if the baby isn't Joseph's?_ There were days where she was fine, and there were days where she couldn't breathe. Joseph was always by her side, comforting her and loving her endlessly. Oh how she hoped she was worrying over nothing.

 

She was 7, almost 8 months along now, and bigger than she had ever been. She honestly couldn't wait to meet her little boy, and give him all the love and support in the world. Virginia winced as the kicking began once again, and she began rubbing her belly again, in hopes of calming the baby down a bit. The faint sound of footsteps behind her brought her out of her thoughts, as Joseph sat down next to her, taking her free hand in his. "Baby not letting you sleep?", he softly asked.

 

"Yeah, but don't worry. I've gotten used to it", she said and yawned. She really needed some sleep, or she would be dead tired as soon as the baby came. Joseph knew that, and he already did everything he could to help her. "Want me to talk to him?", he suggested and Virginia nodded and moved to the side. His talking always calmed him down.

 

"Hey buddy", whispered Joseph as he crouched in front of Virginia's bump. "Could you, maybe, go to sleep and let your mum rest for a bit? I know kicking her ribs must be the most entertaining thing in the world, but she really needs to sleep. I love you, and I can't wait to meet you." He gave the bump a kiss and looked up, noticing Virginia wasn't wincing anymore. Instead, she was smiling. "Did he stop?"

 

"He did. Thank you", she said and leaned forward to kiss him, yawning again right after it. "Let's go to the bedroom, I'm exhausted."

 

Joseph helped her up and into the bedroom, laying carefully next to her and taking her into his arms, laying his hands on her belly and caressing it, one of his favourite occupations these days. Virginia fell asleep almost immediately but be stayed up, admiring her features. He smiled, and pondered for the millionth time whether the ring he had picked the previous week was the right choice. He couldn't wait to give it to her, to show her just how much he loved her. Eventually, he fell asleep, the two people he loved the most safely held is his embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! first of all, I'd like to thank you all for the kudos and the lovely comments, they really mean the world <3
> 
> sadly, we're slowly getting towards the end of this fanfic, there are about 3 more chapters and then it's done, but I was thinking about maybe doing an epilogue of some sort? let me know what you think!!
> 
> another thing I wanted to say is that I have an idea for another fanfic!! it's a modern day high school AU (there's more, but I'm not gonna give away too much) so my question is, should I post it after this one is finished, or should I just post it in a couple of days? again, let me know! :)


	11. Present Day ~ September 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S HERE! CHAPTER 11 IS FINALLY HERE!!
> 
> Please forgive the considerable hiatus. June and July have been the two busiest months of my whole life (not kidding), and my free time and inspiration dropped to zero. I'm not 100% satisfied with this chapter, but I legit can't look at it anymore, so here it is. I hope you enjoy it!!

After the rehearsal was done, the boys went to change into their regular clothes, with Brian and Roger in tow, congratulating them on their performance. While the younger men were changing, the older men contemplated whether they should announce John's decision to be involved in the movie-making now, instead of him just showing up the next morning out of the blue and catching the boys by surprise.

 

Soon they were all comfortably seated inside Ben's trailer, chatting casually, until Brian nudged Roger and shook his head towards the younger men. Roger nodded understandingly and turned his attention back to them.

 

"Boys, me and Brian have something to say." He cleared his throat, looking at Brian for support, and continued. "We have been trying to make this movie happen for a long time now, and god knows how many difficulties we have encountered. Finally, after lots of work and determination, we found you four amazing and skilled people, who will definitely make this movie what it's supposed to be. A tribute to Freddie, and a tribute to Queen as a whole. By the time we actually realised this was really happening, most of the difficulties had been overcome, and nearly all of the problems had been solved. But, there still was, and maybe is, something that bothered both me and Brian."

 

Brian nodded and continued. "When me and Roger began our careers in the musical industry, it was just us two and Tim. We weren't ungrateful, we knew what we had was more than good, but we wanted more. Then came Freddie, who made us think outside the box, with his grandiose plans and outrageous costumes and ideas. The puzzle was one step closer to being solved, but was not finished until John came in. When he joined our little group, we realised that our ambition may as well become reality. And, to our surprise, it did."

 

"What we want to say", spoke Roger again, "is that it should be all four of us here with you, helping you, guiding you and advising you. We all know that Freddie can't be here, but Brian and I know how proud he would be of what we're trying to do. Preserving our art and our legacy is something he would truly want. But, as you know very well, Queen was a group of four. John may have retired from the music industry quite a few years ago, but his heart will always belong to Queen. In fact", he smirked and shook his head, "turns out he couldn't stay away for long."

 

Gwilym was the first to speak. "Wait", he said, a small smile forming on his lips as he looked at the older men with anticipation, "are you saying-"

 

Brian nodded enthusiastically. "Yes! Our dear John Deacon has agreed to join us in the making of the movie."

 

Cheerful laughter erupted amongst the four younger men, who then proceeded to tease Joe about his luck, while Brian and Roger smiled proudly. Roger's eye caught Joe with his eyes closed and saw relief, mixed with happiness and a bit of fear all over his face. Brian continued discussing the details of John's visit with the boys, but Roger's concentration remained on Joe. There was something Roger was sure he was forgetting, something that would make the situation a bit less foggy, but he couldn't figure out what it was. He only averted his gaze when Brian nudged his arm and asked him if he wanted to say anything else before they left. Shaking his head he got up and exchanged goodbyes with the younger men, who stayed in Ben's trailer.

 

As they walked slowly towards Brian's car, Roger broke the comfortable silence. "Brian, I've been thinking. Do you think we should talk to John?"

 

"About what?", questioned Brian as he searched for his keys, mostly to keep his hands occupied rather than because they were reaching the car.

 

Roger shrugged. "I don't know. It's probably nothing, but the resemblance really freaks me out. How on earth does he look more like John than most of his own kids?"

 

Brian sighed and looked at Roger. "I really don't know. I also don't know if we should talk to John. What if we say the wrong thing and he-"

 

"Brian, Roger!", a familiar voice called for them from behind them. Turning their heads they saw Joe sprinting to catch up with them. "I'm sorry for running after you, but I had to ask. Could you, maybe, stay for another minute or two?", he said as he tried to catch his breath.

 

Visibly uncomfortable, Brian and Roger looked at eachother, a silent conversation taking place, before nodding with no hint of certainty. Brian crossed his arms "Of course, of course. What is it you want to talk about?"

 

"Well", began Joe, also quite uncomfortable, having noticed the weird behaviour of the two older men, "I was just wondering whether you could give me more information about John Deacon. It's just, he's visiting us for the first time tomorrow, you know? He's going to see me for the first time, and I thought that, maybe if I knew how he is in real life, I won't make a fool of myself." He stopped, waiting for a reply from the two older men. Sensing he had said something wrong, he continued. "Or not, it's not a big deal, after all. I can just be myself, that always works." His joke fell on deaf ears, which only made the conversation all the more awkward.

 

Roger was the first one to speak, figuring their behaviour wasn't ideal towards Joe, who was nervously fiddling with the rings on his hands. "There's really not a lot we can say about John. He's, uh, always been a quiet guy, I guess, but with a strong will and a big heart."

 

"The best you can do is to be yourself, like you said", added Brian. "You're a good guy Joe, he's going to love you."

 

The compliment did nothing to Joe's confidence, which had been reduced to zero. "Uh, thanks", he muttered as he rubbed the back of his neck.

 

"Alright", said Roger, repeatedly glancing towards the exit of the studio, "is that it?"

 

Joe's face dropped. He felt terrible, as if he had just been punched in the guts. "Yes, uh, thank you both." As the two men started to walk away and towards the parking lot, he began thinking, or rather overthinking. Brian and Roger's behaviour was not normal, he knew that. What he didn't know was whether it was something he had said, or maybe did. Or was it something else completely? And if it was, why are they taking it out on him?  _What am I, their personal punching bag?_ Anger began to bubble deep inside him and he headed to his trailer instead of joining the boys back in Ben's. He would find why they were behaving like that, and he would do it first thing tomorrow.

 

 

~

 

 

"What did John tell you, exactly?"

 

Roger put on his seatbelt and scratched his beard as he began driving him and Brian towards the studio. "Something about a family dinner. I didn't really understand if I'm being honest, but the important thing is that he's coming in a couple of hours."

 

Brian sighed and sat back on his seat, listening to the music that was playing on the radio and admiring the suburban landscape. Soon the two men pulled up in the familiar parking area and headed inside, trying to find the boys. Neither of them had said anything in particular on the matter, but they both were actively trying to avoid bumping into or talking to Joe. The fact that he resembled so much their former bandmate had them feeling quite uneasy, which resulted in them being uncharacteristically distant and cold with him, something they both hated.

 

Luck was not on their side though, for the first person they saw as they reached the big Live Aid replica was non other that Joe, standing in front of a big console. Hearing footsteps behind him, the young man turned and saw Brian and Roger stop in their tracks. Without a word, they turned around and went in the completely opposite direction. _Did they just see me and yet pretend they didn't _?,_ thought_ Joe, and sighed as he focused on the console. _Right. Let's do a few more experiments._

 

And a few more experiments he did. Over the next two hours he tried everything, from simply asking them a question to staging whole scenarios in which they would have to at least talk to him. Not only did they not talk to him, but they were perfectly fine with the remaining members of the cast. And Joe hated it. Whatever he had done to insult or anger them, he didn't deserve this treatment. Anger was no longer what he was feeling. It was sadness.

 

He had to put an end to this, but he couldn't do it alone. That's how he found himself in Gwilym's trailer, with Ben, Rami and Gwil surrounding him, explaining the situation to them in detail. When he finished, the three men were looking at him with varying levels of disbelief. "Mate", began Gwil, "do you think you might be overreacting a bit? I mean, why would they act like that towards you?"

 

"That's the thing Gwil!", snapped Joe. "I have no idea. All I know is that I've been nothing but nice and respectful and kind with them ever since we began working on this movie, and now suddenly they won't even look at me!"

 

"I believe you", said Ben, which made them all sharply turn their heads towards him. "What?", asked Ben and looked at them. Shrugging, he continued. "I saw Joe trying to talk to them on multiple occasions today, and he's right, they were very distant."

 

Joe bowed his head and gestured towards Ben. "Thank you Benjamin. See? I'm not overreacting Gwil, something's wrong."

 

Gwil put his hands up in the air, giving up. "Alright. Suppose something is indeed wrong. I suggest you ask them in person. It's the only way you will know for sure."

 

"I agree with Gwil", said Rami. "If what you're saying is right, you have the right to at least know why they're behaving this way."

 

Joe nodded, but frowned. "How am I supposed to ask them if they won't even sit in the same room with me?"

 

"We're going to trick them."

 

Everyone turned to look at Ben, surprised by his suggestion. "Trick Brian May and Roger Taylor? How?", asked Joe.

 

"It's simple", said Ben. "We tell them that me and Gwil are having problems with our wigs or something, and that we've asked them to come here to help us. But when they come, it will only be you, waiting for them."

 

"That," said Gwil after a few seconds, "is actually not a bad idea."

 

"I get that a lot."

 

Gwil snickered. "No you don't."

 

"Right!", interrupted Joe. "Let Operation Interrogation begin!", he exclaimed and got up, ushering the boys outside so that they could get the plan going. As soon as they were out, his heart started beating like crazy, his mouth dried and his palms got sweaty. He hadn't actually thought about what he was going to tell them. Should he be angry? Apologetic? Or just let them talk, see what they have to say?  _Whatever, I'll just do what comes to mind._

 

Not long after the boys had left, Joe heard a soft knock on the trailer door. "Come in", he said with the British accent he had been practising non stop recently, simultaneously making his voice deeper to imitate Gwil. The door opened with a loud creak, and Brian and Roger entered the trailer, visibly confused when, instead of Gwil and Ben, they saw Joe sitting on the couch, staring at them intently. "Hello Brian, Roger."

 

The older men froze, not understanding why Joe was in Gwil's trailer. The thought of having gotten the trailer doors wrong momentarily passed through their minds, but they dismissed it. The one person they had been trying to avoid for the past few hours was right in front of them, seemingly about to confront them. With caution, the two men entered the trailer and shut the door. Brian spoke first, trying to assess the situation.  "Uh, hello Joe. Why-"

 

"Was it something I said?", interrupted Joe.  _Angry it is then,_ he thought.

 

"I'm sorry?"

 

"Did I say something that hurt or insulted either of you?", he clarified.

 

Brian opened his mouth and then closed it without saying anything. He looked at Roger, for support, and saw him looking equally confused.  "Um, no, I don't think-"

 

"Are you unsatisfied with my performance? Is that it?"

 

"No! Of course not Joe-"

 

"Or is it my personality that you don't like? Because, for the life of me, I can't think of any other reason why you're avoiding me."

 

Roger frowned and tried to defend him and Brian. "W-we haven't been avoiding you, Joe. Perhaps we are a bit stressed with the movie and with making sure everything is right, and maybe that is why you think-"

 

"I don't think anything. You have been avoiding me since yesterday. You barely talked to me when I asked you about John, and every time I approached you today you've left. So, I'll ask you one more time - why are you avoiding me?"

 

Joe was right, and Brian knew that. They had been avoiding him. But what were they supposed to tell him? 'We're sorry we've been total assholes with you, it's just you look so much like our friend that it freaked us out?' All Brian could do was try to reason with him, and possibly explain the situation however he could. "Listen, Joe-"

 

"No, you listen!", yelled Joe, startling the older men. His eyes were filled with tears that threatened to spill, and his voice was filled with emotion. "I have been trying to prove myself worthy of this role since day one. Gwil and Ben have it easy, with you two great people next to them, guiding and advising them along the way. But me and Rami? We can't have that! And now that finally -finally!- there's a chance I might actually have it too, you two start being distant. I'm just tired of you two pretending everything is fine when it clearly isn't. So just tell me what I did so that we can move on." He stopped, his breath shaky as he rubbed his hands to stop them from trembling. "Please", he said with a barely audible whisper as tears began running down his cheeks, "just tell me."

 

The room fell quiet, Joe's quiet sobs breaking the silence every now and then. Brian and Roger stood opposite Joe, looking at him with their mouths open. To say they felt terrible would be the understatement of the century. They felt horrible, worse than they'd ever felt before. Looking at eachother, they nodded knowingly and sat on Joe's sides. "We're terribly sorry", said Brian quietly, placing his hand on Joe's trembling shoulder. "I know that nothing we could say can make this better, but please, hear what we have to say. You don't have to forgive us. All we ask is that you listen."

 

The two older men patiently waited for Joe's answer, which came a few seconds later. "Alright", he whispered, "tell me the truth."

 

Roger took a deep breath and began talking. "Joe, you did nothing wrong. In fact, you're an incredible person, with a great personality and an abundance of talent. Yesterday, when me and Brian saw you for the first time, we almost lost our minds. You were wearing John's Live Aid outfit, and had the exact same hair he did, so from a certain distance, it was like we were actually seeing 1985 John. Then you came to talk to us, and you looked even more like him. You had similar facial characteristics, similar expressions and almost identical movements. It freaked us out a lot, and we didn't know what to do. We're terribly sorry we behaved this way Joe, we truly had no right, I want you to know that."

 

Joe wiped his eyes and cleared his throat. "I understand."

 

"You do?", asked Brian, genuinely relieved.

 

"Yeah. It's not the first time something like that happens. Everyone had freaked out when I first got cast, for that exact reason. It got so intense that I even considered asking my mom where she was in 1983."

 

Upon hearing the year, Roger froze. His mind both stopped working and began working overtime to remember something very important. Something he had buried deep inside his brain, a piece of information he had paid no particular attention back then, but could be life changing now. His mind travelled back about thirty-four years ago, on a warm June day where he overheard a small part of a conversation that happened between two of his best friends. He couldn't recall exactly what had been said, but the word 'secret' had been engraved to his brain. A secret he was discreet enough not to bother his friend back then, but couldn't shake the feeling it had something to do with their current situation. "Wait", he said, panic mixed with worry evident in his voice, "you said 1983?"

 

"Yes, that's the year I was born in", replied Joe as he looked around for some tissues.

 

"Okay", replied Roger along with a nod as he rubbed his forehead, pacing up and down in the small trailer, thinking of his follow up questions. "What month?"

 

Joe stared at Roger, more confused than ever. "Uh, September", he replied, not entirely sure why this questioning was happening. "Why are you asking?"

 

"September", repeated Roger and began silently counting on his fingers. Brian was also staring at him, and was utterly confused to say the least. "Roger what are you doing?"

 

"Shh! Let me think." He continued pacing, and started mumbling to himself. All Brian caught from the mumbling was some random words that made no sense. What on earth had September to do with 'I Want to Break Free' and something about a resemblance? And where the hell did January come from? Brian was almost positive his friend had gone mad, until Roger stopped pacing, and held his breath. "No!"

 

Joe, who looked more worried than curious about Roger's behaviour, approached him. "No what?"

 

"No way", Roger shook his head in disbelief, "there has to be another explanation."

 

"Roger", said Brian, getting more and more concerned about his friend's behaviour, "what other explanation? About what?"

 

Roger took a deep breath, while trying to organize his thoughts, his brain dangerously close to short-circuiting. "Right. Brian, in what year did we release The Game?", he asked.

 

Confused, Brian faltered for a second. "I believe it was 1984. What does this have to do-"

 

"Do you remember why we released it in 1984?", pressed Roger, obviously trying to prove a point.

 

"I think so, yes. It was sort of a unanimous decision to take a few months off to recharge from the Hot Space tour. Freddie came in and-"

 

"Yeah, yeah I know. But", interrupted Roger, "on that day, before Freddie came, it was just me, you and John, correct?"

 

Brian didn't bother asking again what this had to do with their previous conversation, so he said a simple yes, and let Roger continue.

 

"I remember clearly that John looked extremely anxious before Freddie came. I also remember he said he wanted to tell us something really important, but was waiting for Freddie."

 

Brian nodded. "I remember that too. I think he wanted to tell us something about the previous tour or something. What's your point Rog?"

 

"My point is, what if he didn't want to tell us about the tour? What if it was something else he wanted to talk about, something more serious?"

 

Brian tilted his head, confused. "I'm not sure I'm following you."

 

"The day we returned to the recording studio", pressed Roger. "in June. Do you remember what happened that day?"

 

"Not really, no."

 

Roger rolled his eyes and explained. "We all began showing the songs we had written, and John became very upset when we asked him about the inspiration of 'I Want to Break Free'. So upset he stormed out and came back only after Freddie talked to him. It was the day he announced that him and Veronica were expecting Joshua."

 

Brian snapped his fingers and exclaimed "Oh yes, I remember now. Still don't get what your point is though."

 

"While John and Freddie were outside, I went to grab some water, and I overheard them taking outside. John was very upset about something, and Freddie told him it would remain a secret between them."

 

"A secret?", repeated Brian.

 

Roger nodded. "Yeah. I didn't ask them what it was about, didn't feel right."

 

"Well that's a first."

 

"Hey!"

 

"Excuse me", interrupted Joe, who had been silently watching this bizarre exchange without commenting, but very much needed to do so now. "Can you please tell me what's going on?"

 

Roger looked at him with an unreadable expression, trying to find the right words to continue. "Joe", you said you were born in September, right?"

 

"Yes. On the 21st."

 

"Wait", said Brian and moved towards Roger, his mind working like crazy to piece together what Roger had said, "you said something about January. That's when we took the break. And September is-." And then realisation hit him, and his eyes went wide. _John had a secret. Since January. Joe was born in September. September. Exactly nine months after January. That explains the resemblance. Oh god._ "No", was all he managed to say, "it can't be."

 

Roger nodded frantically. "Exactly."

 

"Exactly what?", demanded Joe, his voice trembling with emotion.

 

Brian and Roger looked at each other, unsure of how to handle the information they had just discovered. With a sigh, Roger spoke first. "Like I said, I overheard John saying he had a secret. And he had been acting strangely since January. And you were born in September."

 

"There's also the fact that you are, without a doubt, the spitting image of John", added Brian.

 

Joe went still, staring at the two men in front of him with utter disbelief. He took a step back and his knees almost gave up on him as he came to the most important realisation of his life. "W-what are you saying?", he said, his voice croaky and barely audible.

 

"I think you know, Joe."

 

Joe's breathing became shallow, and his head felt heavy. A wave of dizziness hit him, so he sat heavily on the couch behind him, his mind refusing to comprehend the information it was receiving. "It can't be true."

 

"Joe just breathe", said Brian and sat next to him, rubbing soothing circles on his back. "That's it, deep breaths. In and out." Joe followed his advice and eventually, he calmed down, only to look up at the two men, who were worried to the bone.

 

Joe was once again on the verge of tears, and one step away from a panic attack. "I can't-, he's-"

 

"We're just speculating Joe", Roger pointed out in an attempt to help soothe him. "But", he admitted, "it seems like it's the only possible explanation."

 

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Joe lifted his head and straightened his back. His eyes were red and puffy, but also painfully empty. He stared at the wall opposite him for quite some time, and then looked at Brian, and then at Roger. He knew what they were saying was true. It just felt right. And yet, he couldn't even say it out loud. Because, if he did, it would only make it more real. The question was, did he even want it to be real? And did it even matter what he wanted? He didn't think so. "You're right", he suddenly said. _Denying it won't change anything._ He took another deep breath, and simply said:

 

"John Deacon is my father."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayyy the first reveal is here!! What did you think of Roger's deduction skills and Joe's reaction? Let me know!
> 
> There are a couple of things I'd like to say since we're nearing the end of this fanfic. First of all, there won't be another flashback chapter, since the part of the story that was set in the past is finished. The next chapter will pick up exactly where this one stopped, and will most likely be the final chapter. After that, I will either post an epilogue of sorts, to properly end the plot, or just leave it be if it doesn't need one. There may be a few one shots of different points in the timeline, but that mostly depends on my free time.
> 
> Second of all, I'd like to say thank you to all of those who read, commented and left kudos on this, and I really hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it❤
> 
> Ps: Another thing I wanted to say is that I posted another fanfic a few weeks ago!! It's called Drama Queens, and I've been working on it for a while now, so go check it out if you haven't!!!


	12. Present Day ~ September 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here you have the final chapter!
> 
> First of all, I'd like to apologise once again for the delay, this chapter has been a bit of a pain in the ass to write. Second of all, I'd like to thank you all for reading, commenting and leaving kudos on this story. This fic was my first one, my literal baby, and I'm so proud of it. Finishing it feels so weird, but it gives me a deep satisfaction, knowing how much you liked it. So, thank you once again, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!!

As soon as the words left Joe's mouth, his breathing got quicker and more shallow. Sweat was already running down his face and his hands were trembling. Recognizing the signs of a panic attack, Roger frantically signaled Brian behind Joe's back to get him some water and to open the windows to get some clean air. "Joe look at me", he firmly said and grasped Joe's shaking shoulders, "I need you to breathe. Take a deep breath for me Joe, that's it my boy."

 

Joe tried to follow Roger's advice but all he could get was short shaky breaths that were mixed with sobs. Gasping for air, he brought a hand to grasp Roger's bicep to stable himself, and tried to focus on his breathing. Roger's voice was soothing, and he found himself clinging on it as the older man instructed him on how to breathe.

 

"...two, three and exhale. That's it Joe, you're doing great."

 

A few moments later his breathing evened out, and he managed to take a proper deep breath, his lungs grateful for the air. His grip was still on Roger, and he felt him relax as well, before the older man moved his hands and pulled him into a tight hug. Joe instantly melted into Roger's arms, and soon felt arms hugging him from behind as Brian joined the hug, enveloping them both. They stayed like that for a few minutes, not daring to say a word.

 

When they broke the hug, Joe wiped his nose on his sleeve and looked at the older men in front of him, ready to burst into tears again. "What do I do now?"

 

Brian's heart broke at the sound of Joe's voice, so fragile and weak. He sighed and looked down, trying to find the right words. "I wish I could tell you Joe, I really do. What I do know, is that you and John should talk as soon as possible. He has to know the truth, don't you think?"

 

Joe nodded and fell silent. A few minutes later the sound of Brian's phone ringing broke the comfortable silence that had formed, followed by a loud gasp as he saw the caller's ID. "It's John! I told him to call when he arrived."

 

Roger shot up and approached Brian. "Shit! What do we do?"

 

"We have to find him, he probably wants us to show him around, introduce him to the cast."

 

Upon hearing that, Joe began to panic again. "I can't meet him! I just can't! Please don't make me meet him!"

 

Roger was quick to take Joe's shaking hands into his. "We won't, I promise. You stay here, we'll make sure he doesn't see you yet."

 

Joe nodded and squeezed Roger's hand back. "Thank you. Both of you."

 

"You're stronger than you think, my boy. You'll get through this", said Brian and patted his back. "Are you going to be alright?"

 

Joe rubbed his eyes and nodded. "I'll try."

 

Roger gave him an encouraging smile and moved towards the door, but stopped. "Oh, before I forget. What is your mother's name?"

 

"Uh, Virginia. Why are you asking?"

 

Roger shrugged. "I figured we can't just ask him if he's your father, we need to make sure he even slept with her in the first place."

 

Joe didn't move for a moment, and then nodded. "That makes sense."

 

"Alright", said Brian, "we're off. Just don't go outside just yet."

 

And so Joe was left alone in Ben's trailer, trying to wrap his head around what he had just learned, his heart aching inside his chest. So many questions were forming in his mind, he thought his brain would explode. Did John know? And if he did, why didn't he say anything? Did he hate him? Does anybody else know? One thing was certain - he had to talk to John eventually.

 

As the minutes passed, Joe grew more and more impatient. His breathing was still a bit strained, and he desperately needed some fresh air. But if he went outside, there was a chance he could run into John.  _My father,_ thought Joe, but shook his head as if to get rid of the thought, not wanting another panic attack, especially now that he was all alone.

 

Then again, what were the chances he would bump into the one person he was trying to avoid? Brian and Roger had most likely found him already, and were showing him around, introducing him to everybody.

 

 _Fuck it,_ he thought and quickly approached the trailer door. Despite his eagerness to go outside, he had to be careful, so he slowly opened the door and peered outside to see if anyone was outside. To his luck, nobody was there, and he sighed in relief as he properly opened the door to get out.  _Perfect,_ he thought and turned to close the door. He hadn't even taken two steps when he heard a voice from behind him. "Excuse me! Hi, do you happen to know where Brian and Roger are?"

 

Joe turned around and stood still as time seemed to freeze around him. In front of him was a grey haired, green-eyed man, with kind, soft features and a weirdly familiar expression. Several seconds passed, with Joe staring at the older man, when suddenly it all clicked, and his eyes went wide. "You- you're uh-"

 

John gave him a weak smile and a nod. "Yes. I'm John Deacon. Are you one of the cast members?"

 

Joe nodded and took a few awkward steps towards John. "Yes, I'm- I actually play you. In the movie. I'm Joe. Hi."

 

John was certainly impressed by this man. How on earth did they find an actor who looked so much like his younger self? "Well I must say, you do look a lot like me. Nice to meet you Joe", he said and extended his hand for a handshake. He gave Joe another kind smile, and took a deep breath, his face sincere. "I think I owe you an apology, Joe."

 

"What?", shot Joe and stared at John, his anxiety skyrocketing. "W-why?"

 

"For not being here with Brian and Roger. For not being here for you, to give you advice and to guide you", clarified John and saw Joe visibly relax. "Oh", said Joe, a hint of sadness in his voice, "you really don't have to apologise. It was your decision to leave it all behind all those years back."

 

John sighed. "I know. Wasn't an easy one though."

 

Joe felt compelled to learn more about this man, the man who could have been much more than a character he's portraying, so he tentatively offered to show John around, a proposition which the older man gladly accepted, seeing as Brian and Roger were nowhere to be seen. As they walked around the set, John talked and Joe listened attentively, occasionally introducing John to the crew members and giving him information about the set. John talked about the early days, back when they were just in their early twenties, trying to take their place into the world. He talked about the ups and downs of their career, the albums, the tours and the fame they brought them, and about their later years. John had to admit, it felt good to talk about his life, to have someone willing to listen to him explain his side of it all. When he finished talking, he turned and looked at Joe, who was looking at him with admiration. "So", said John, "that was everything. I really hope I helped you see things from my perspective."

 

"You did", reassured him Joe with a smile, "you absolutely did. Thank you, Mr. Deacon."

 

John gave him a side-look and grinned. "You can call me John."

 

Joe smiled again and began talking about everything they had done thus far, how rehearsals were going and what he thought of his castmates and the crew and of course, about Brian and Roger. It was now John's turn to listen to the man, absorbing every piece of information he was giving him. They were about halfway through the tour when they heard two voices from somewhere behind them, calling for them both. "John! Joe!"

 

"There you are!", said Brian as he sprinted towards them, slightly out of breath.

 

Roger eventually caught up with Brian and approached them, shooting worried glances between Joe and John. "Where have you been? We've been looking for you everywhere!"

 

"I couldn't find you two, so I asked Joe to show me around", said John as he pointed at Joe. "What a lovely lad he is. And looks just like me, I must say."

 

"Right", said Brian, unsure of what to say. His eyes then fell on Joe, who looked paler than usual. "Joe, is everything okay?"

 

"Uh, yes. Everything is fine", lied Joe, feeling a bit lightheaded. "If you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my trailer. Got to get ready. Sorry. It was nice finally meeting you John", he mumbled and rushed to the other side of the studio, leaving the three older men alone.

 

"So", began Roger nervously as they walked further into the set, "what did you two talk about?"

 

John shrugged. "Oh, you know, everything really. He's a good listener, that man."

 

Brian shot Roger a worried glance and turned to John. "Well I'm glad you two get along so well."

 

Within an hour they had shown John everything around the set, from big props to costumes. They had also introduced him to the rest of the cast, who were delighted to finally meet John. They asked him all sorts of questions, to which John was surprisingly happy to give answers. John felt himself tear up at the sight of Rami dressed as Freddie, and he felt himself doubting his decision to join, considering this might be too much for him. It was nonsense though and he knew it, the moment he saw how happy they were now that he was with them.

 

John kept talking about how he loved the set, the cast and what they have done, but Brian was only half-paying attention. Time was of the essence and he knew it, so he glanced at Roger, who was already staring at him, and nodded knowingly. "John?"

 

John stopped talking and looked at Brian with a confused expression. "Yes?"

 

Brian hesitated for a moment, fidgeting his hands and looking down. "There's something we need to talk to you about."

 

"Oh? What is it?"

 

Deciding there was no easy way for them to approach the subject, Roger decided to be straightforward. "We know about the secret, John."

 

John tilted his head in question and squinted his eyes. "What secret?"

 

Roger sighed and closed his eyes. "That secret you told Freddie about, back in 1983."

 

John froze, eyes going wide.  _I'm screwed. They know everything. What the hell do I do?_ He kept walking as if nothing had happened, trying to force a blank expression on his face, but seemingly failing to do so. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Rog", he quietly said, his voice close to breaking.

 

Brian sighed and stopped walking, Roger doing the same thing. "We both know you do."

 

"No, you don't. There is no secret", insisted John.

 

"John, please. We won't judge you if you tell us the truth."

 

"Exactly John, we've been friends for years. And we've all done things we shouldn't have."

 

"So please, Deaky, tell us what happened in 1983", pleaded Roger.

 

John's head suddenly felt really heavy, his heart pounding in his chest like crazy. His brain was screaming at him to continue denying their claims, and convince them there is no secret, but his heart was telling him to come clean, tell them the truth and let them help him forgive himself for what he did. To his surprise, his heart won the fight. He sighed deeply, his eyes closed and his face void of any emotion. "Fine."

 

"What?" Brian and Roger spoke at the same time, looking at their bandmate with curious eyes.

 

"I'll tell you the truth."

 

Brian led them to a bench nearby, and sat on John's left, with Roger sitting on his right. "We're ready if you are John."

 

John took a deep breath and began talking. He talked about everything. The fight him and Veronica had after they came back from tour, how he left that night and went to the pub where he met a woman, how they ended up at her hotel room, what they did and how he felt in the morning. He told them about how he wrote 'I Want To Break Free' because of how guilty he felt, and how he had confided in Freddie. Silent tears ran down his cheeks as he told them the story, and when he finished he found himself squeezed between his two best friends in a big hug.

 

"Thank you Deaky", muffled Roger into John's shirt, "for trusting us."

 

John wiped his eyes with the back of his palm and cleared his throat. "Thank you for listening. And for not hating me."

 

"John we could never hate you", said Brian, bringing fresh tears in John's eyes.

 

"You still haven't told Veronica, have you?", hesitantly asked Roger.

 

John shook his head. "No. And I probably never will."

 

Both men nodded and got lost in their thoughts. Roger's mind was racing, torn between telling John about Joe, or keeping it a secret from him forever. The right thing for both John and Joe would be to tell him, but he knew it shouldn't be them to do so. It had to be Joe, only he could find the right words to say. Settling on that, he turned to tell Brian his idea, but before he could utter a word, Brian spoke to John. "Deaky, there's something else you should know."

 

 _Damn it, Brian._ "Brian", he said sternly, trying to warn him, "perhaps we should go see if they need our help with something."

 

"What is it Brian?", asked John, ignoring Roger.

 

"It's nothing John, don't worry about it", said Roger in an attempt to prevent John from asking any further questions.

 

John quickly turned his body to face Brian. "No, what else is there that I should know about?"

 

"Uh", hesitated Brian, realising his mistake, "maybe Roger is right. It's nothing, really, we should-"

 

"I said", ordered John, making both men jump, "tell me what is it."

 

A few nervous glances were exchanged between Brian and Roger, before Brian decided to speak first. "John", he began, "that woman you slept with. What was her name?"

 

"What does this have to do with-"

 

"Just answer the question Deaky."

 

"Uh, Virginia, I think."

 

Both men drew in a quick breath and started fidgeting with their hands. "Oh, alright", said Roger as he glanced at Brian, who's worried expression he pressumed mirrored his.

 

"Can either of you please tell me what's going on?"

 

"Deaky", began Roger, "have you talked to that woman since then?"

 

"Uh, no, I never tried to contact her, and she hasn't either."

 

"Right", said Brian, feeling quite uneasy.

 

"Deaky, what did you think of Joe?"

 

John was confused by Roger's question. Why were they asking him these questions? "I think he's a wonderful man. Very talented. But what does this have to do with-"

 

"Did you notice that you and him look a lot like each other?", pressed Roger.

 

"I did, actually. He looks a lot like me when I was younger. Where on earth did you find someone that resembles me so much?"

 

"John", spoke Brian, "what if there is a reason why he looks so much like you?"

 

John looked him in the eyes, confusion mixed with worry in his eyes. "What are you saying Brian?"

 

Roger took a deep breath. "His mother's name is Virginia. He was born in September. Which is exactly nine months after you slept with her."

 

John's mouth went dry, his head ringing violently. All the memories from that night flooded his mind, and he struggled to breathe as he tried to wrap his head around what he had just learned. A halfhearted "No", was all he managed to say.

 

Both men looked at John with profound confusion. "No what?"

 

"You're wrong."

 

Brian shook his head. "I doubt it John."

 

"No, you're definitely wrong. I mean I-, we used-, we were  _careful._ "

 

Roger put a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder. "Are you sure Deaky?"

 

 _No, I'm not,_ thought John and remained silent. This was over thirty years ago, of course he can't remember whether they used protection or not. Come to think of it, they were probably too drunk to remember to use condoms.  _Shit._ He swallowed and tried to control his breathing. "So Joe is- he's my- I'm his  _father."_

 

"Yes."

 

"H-how did you find out?"

 

"I overheard a bit of your conversation with Freddie, when you told him about it", said Roger. "I didn't hear what the secret was, but I made the connection when I saw how much Joe looked like you. One thing led to another and we figured things out."

 

John took in the information and remained silent, his mind racing. "I have to go find him", he said suddenly and got up.

 

Both Brian and Roger got up, nodding frantically. "Do you want us to come with you?", offered Brian

 

John shook his head. "No, I have to do this alone. Thank you both."

 

He walked as fast as his aching legs allowed him towards Joe's trailer. After taking a moment to catch his breath, he knocked the door with all his force again and again, but there was no reply. He tried calling for him, but again he got nothing. Peering from the window, he saw the trailer was empty, so he backed away and looked around for anyone who could have seen Joe. He asked a couple technicians, some crew members and even Ben and Gwilym, but no one knew where Joe was. John was close to giving up, thinking Joe might've left the studio, when he spotted him from the corner of his eye, sitting alone on a bench near the parking area, hugging his knees. Taking a deep breath to clear his head, he walked slowly towards him. Joe didn't move, his stare focused somewhere in the distance, so John sat wordlessly next to him, contemplating whether he should speak first. As he opened his mouth to say something to break the silence, Joe spoke.

 

"Did you know?"

 

Joe's croaky voice made John wince. "I didn't. You have to believe me Joe, I had no idea." He sighed deeply before continuing. "I wish I'd known earlier."

 

"Me too." Joe turned his head and found John's teary gaze. "And I believe you."

 

"You're not..mad?", hesitantly asked John.

 

"Maybe a little. But I'll get over it soon. We've got a lot of catching up to do anyways."

 

John looked up and saw Joe smiling weakly at him, a hopeful expression on his face. "That is, of course, if you want to", he added.

 

John took Joe's hand into his own and sat closer to him, smiling back. "I'd love that, son."

 

And so they talked, for hours and hours, getting to know each other, not surprised by how much they had in common. They talked until there was nothing else to talk about, and then they just hugged each other tightly, making up for all the time they had lost. Of course, they both knew how complicated their situation was, but neither of them cared, because one thing was certain. Everything would be all right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl I teared up a little while writing this last bit😥
> 
> I know this chapter is not the best I've written but I couldn't let you guys wait longer for me to update, so here is what I deemed good enough to post.
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed this story, thank you for the comments and the kudos and for reading my work, it really means a lot💘


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